So The Donald, a man leading the race for "Most Annoying Carbon Based Life Form" now three decades in a row, claims he wants to be the white, Republican, failed capitalist Obama. Or maybe he wants to be Sarah Palin with a penis, but worse hair and body. I honestly can't tell. But he definitely wants to be TRUMP. Trump's whole motto in life is "Go Out and Make Another Trump Brand" on everything. So I'm sure his first executive decision, as President, would be to rebrand America as "Trumperica," then promptly run us into the ground like nearly every business he's ever touched.
Not that America isn't already on a slow boat to irrelevancy with us not being good at anything anymore. (Blowing up things doesn't count!) But Trump is a purveyor of everything from poorly run casinos to steaks that no one eats to draping everything in gold to pretending things that are not birth certificates are birth certificates in some weird attempt to appeal to people who don't have the decency to buy into a "respectable" conspiracy theory like the Kennedy Assassination or the whereabouts of elusive Tupac-Elvis Meta-Bigfoot.
Yet, there Trump is. Screwing up for funzies. I don't really see him getting off the glamour train to stump in freezing Iowa with old folks with any kind of responsibility. In fact, I expect that once he has to stop interacting with TV cameras and talking to your Grandma in Grinnel this will turn into a farce on a "Fred Thompson" level. All hype. Zero substance or staying power.
But, you know? The man knows how to create a spectacle as the P.T. Barnum of Bad Business Decisions. Celebrity Apprentice is doing GREAT. With Star Jones and Nene Leakes trying to kill each other while an evil Dionne Warwick castigates all within her steely grandmother-from-hell gaze. His success as a reality show huckster always made more sense for the Trump hype machine than the drudgery of running a business he's never had the patience, discipline or interest in running.
Trump, in case you weren't aware, is more famous for being rich than he is for being a successful businessman. His Atlantic City properties were fraught with problems in the past. Several of his businesses have filed for bankruptcy over time. He blew through real estate money in the 1980s and 90s. He made a resurgence in the 2000s (bolstered by a nice, tacky reality TV show), but I'd argue that being rich and being a good businessman are really two entirely different things and he's benefited in that his tackiness comes with a Golden Parachute, a silver spoon and TV ratings.
So, Iowa Republicans, if you like your President with dubious hair and morals, he's your guy. But I'm not really sure Trump wants this job as much as he wants the hype of maybe running for President. (Which is my same theory with Sarah Palin.) After all, a legit run would mean discipline (ha), opening his financial books (fat chance) and explaining all his more uncomfortable realities (three wives, many girlfriends, etc.). And might be able Trump to work a rope line and Do the Newt Gingrich on the wife hat-trick -- letting the world know that you might not actually be worth the $600 million you claim to be, would be a much harder row to hoe.