Trump-De-Dump-Dump-Dump: The Man Who Won't Be President
So The Donald, a man leading the race for "Most Annoying Carbon Based Life Form" now three decades in a row, claims he wants to be the white, Republican, failed capitalist Obama. Or maybe he wants to be Sarah Palin with a penis, but worse hair and body. I honestly can't tell. But he definitely wants to be TRUMP. Trump's whole motto in life is "Go Out and Make Another Trump Brand" on everything. So I'm sure his first executive decision, as President, would be to rebrand America as "Trumperica," then promptly run us into the ground like nearly every business he's ever touched.
Not that America isn't already on a slow boat to irrelevancy with us not being good at anything anymore. (Blowing up things doesn't count!) But Trump is a purveyor of everything from poorly run casinos to steaks that no one eats to draping everything in gold to pretending things that are not birth certificates are birth certificates in some weird attempt to appeal to people who don't have the decency to buy into a "respectable" conspiracy theory like the Kennedy Assassination or the whereabouts of elusive Tupac-Elvis Meta-Bigfoot.
Yet, there Trump is. Screwing up for funzies. I don't really see him getting off the glamour train to stump in freezing Iowa with old folks with any kind of responsibility. In fact, I expect that once he has to stop interacting with TV cameras and talking to your Grandma in Grinnel this will turn into a farce on a "Fred Thompson" level. All hype. Zero substance or staying power.
But, you know? The man knows how to create a spectacle as the P.T. Barnum of Bad Business Decisions. Celebrity Apprentice is doing GREAT. With Star Jones and Nene Leakes trying to kill each other while an evil Dionne Warwick castigates all within her steely grandmother-from-hell gaze. His success as a reality show huckster always made more sense for the Trump hype machine than the drudgery of running a business he's never had the patience, discipline or interest in running.
Trump, in case you weren't aware, is more famous for being rich than he is for being a successful businessman. His Atlantic City properties were fraught with problems in the past. Several of his businesses have filed for bankruptcy over time. He blew through real estate money in the 1980s and 90s. He made a resurgence in the 2000s (bolstered by a nice, tacky reality TV show), but I'd argue that being rich and being a good businessman are really two entirely different things and he's benefited in that his tackiness comes with a Golden Parachute, a silver spoon and TV ratings.
So, Iowa Republicans, if you like your President with dubious hair and morals, he's your guy. But I'm not really sure Trump wants this job as much as he wants the hype of maybe running for President. (Which is my same theory with Sarah Palin.) After all, a legit run would mean discipline (ha), opening his financial books (fat chance) and explaining all his more uncomfortable realities (three wives, many girlfriends, etc.). And might be able Trump to work a rope line and Do the Newt Gingrich on the wife hat-trick -- letting the world know that you might not actually be worth the $600 million you claim to be, would be a much harder row to hoe.
Danielle Belton | 13 Comments | Share Article | Email Article | Print Article | tagged 2012, 2012 election, Barack Obama, Donald Trump, Iowa, Politics, Republicans, sarah palin 
Reader Comments (13)
YES....that man really irritates me so bad. Trump/Palin 2012. Sounds about right when you adjust for ego inflation.
I just can't see this man accepting the paycut or having the humitly it takes to be President aka Humble Civil Servant.
He dropped a dumptruck full of goat manure on his already non existent chance when he went on the View. I guess he was trying to appeal to those dumb-assed birthers.
I think Trump would have a good chance in 2016 if there is a 2016 election. However Trump will not beat Obama in 2012. It is highly likely that Obama will win again.
Did you see/hear that he could not produce a legitimate NY birth certificate for himself? Funny, Hawaii verified my President's birth, but he could not do the same. Interesting. Get all YOUR isht together before you start trying to point fingers. Just saying.
Wrong book title. Should read: "Think Big and Suck Ass."
I despise that person donald trump more than I do rats!
Good luck there Trump
Mr. Trump is a paranoid ill achiever. I lived in one of his dad apartments in Brooklyn back in 1989-90 and the place was great. His dad was a realy good guy , but Donald is spoiled brat. He made is money from Fred's inheritance. Donald has had the same amout of cash since back then , and has not parlayed it into to anything more that over-indulged gold encrusted graffiti. Whereas other Billionaires such as B.Gates , W. Buffet or M.Bloomberg and even Oprah have grown exponetially. He looks like a slob and walks like an unfit beer drinker. If he was so smart , then why is he not making serious political strides with credit worthy debate? His vernacular is that of "brooklyn-bonics." The least articulate and the most arrogant. Lewis Black said it best on the Daily show. Trump could never be an elected official. If so he would have run for Mayor of NYC years ago.
Mary , there will be an election in 2016. There every 4 years ,so 2012+4 = 2016.
@J. Belton Many people believe that these are the last days and the EOTWAWKI will be May 2015.
@J. Belton
If I had the money I would run for President or at least Governor so that I and my family could have spaces in one of those luxurious and protected D.U.M.B. shelters, they have heated pools, movie theaters etc…
I think lowly Mayors and congressman only get 1 space and they can’t bring their kids and spouses, which is a little sick to leave your family behind like that. Personally I could not leave my family, so if I had Trump money I would run for President too.
forgive me, I can't help myself, it's too hilarious:
http://www.businessinsider.com/donald-trump-birth-certificate-birther-2011-3
The Birth Certificate Donald Trump Produced Is Not An Official Document - After spending the last week casting doubt on the nature of Obama's birth certificate Donald Trump may have some birther issues of his own. Turns out the birth certificate he 'released exclusively' to Newsmax earlier this week is not the actual thing. Ben Smith at Politico reports that what Trump provided was a hospital "'certificate of birth' meaning the piece of paper the hospital gave to his family saying he was born. Such a document typically has the signature of the hospital administrator and the attending physician." Apparently an actual birth certificate would would have the Dept. of Health's seal as well a signature of the city registrar. Oops. Take it away Ben Smith: Trump's mother, it should be noted, was born in Scotland, which is not part of the United States. His plane is registered in the Bahamas, also a foreign country. This fact pattern -- along with the wave of new questions surrounding what he claims is a birth certificate -- raises serious doubts about his eligibility to serve as President of the United States.
http://www.politico.com/blogs/bensmith/0311/Trump_fails_to_produce_birth_certificate.html