It's like the Manchurian candidate, but instead of blaming North Koreans people are running around screaming "It's a GOP plant!" But, wait? What? And more importantly, why? Yet here this guy is, winning a Democratic Primary, all Alicia Keys-style, singing "You don't know my name" because ... Alvin Greene didn't campaign. And there were no yard signs. Heh. Heh. Huh? Sounds like a c-o-n-spiracy, y'all!
Once when I was in high school I ran for student council, but didn't campaign and didn't put up any posters. Heck. I didn't even really tell anyone I was running. Why I did this, I could not really explain. (Fear of trying and then being rejected probably had something to do with it.) But I didn't win.
Alvin Greene, mystery candidate for Senate in South Carolina, managed to pull this off running, stealth-style, on the Democratic ticket. He's unemployed. He's a veteran. And he's getting his 15 minutes of head scratching fame. He beat out a better known, better qualified candidate (re: the other guy actually may have campaigned), so now Rep. James Clyburn is all "investigation please!" (Clyburn is actually suspicious over quite a few South Carolina races) and Greene is giving head-scratching interviews to everyone from The Washington Post to The Root to Countdown with Keith Olbermann. But most people just want to know who on earth is this guy and who actually voted for him.
Sayeth Greene to The Washington Post:
"I'm the Democratic Party nominee," Greene says in the interview at his father's home on a lonely stretch of rural highway in central South Carolina. "The people have spoken. The people of South Carolina have spoken. The people of South Carolina have spoken. We have to be pro-South Carolina. The people of South Carolina have spoken. We have to be pro-South Carolina."
Oh. And he's been charged with a felony for being a pervert and the South Carolina Democratic Party is all, "WITHDRAW YOUR NAME FROM THE CAMPAIGN!" But he's like, in it to win it, or something, so ... where's Frank Sinatra (or the in case of the lesser remake ... Denzel) when you need him?
Post your theories as to WHAT THE HELL IS HAPPENING HERE in the comments. I have my own theories (He's a plant! He's a Cylon! He was sent from the future by Skynet to kill John Connor when Connor runs for vice president on the 2032 Malia Obama/John Connor ticket! It's the prophecized "Immaculate Candidacy" and God must have got him that 60 percent of the vote!) But I'm sure your theories will be much, much more promising.