I cannot wait to read the full post. I've been married for 10 years so I have no idea what the real thoughts are today concerning Black marriage except "there are no Black men out there" idea. I'm honestly sick of hearing what I call the sob stories of single women who seem to be waiting on Mr. Black Millionaire to come and clean up their credit....ooohhhh I think I'm being too harsh. Like I said, I've been married for 10 years so I can't relate to single people today. I'm sure your series will enlighten me.

@ Krystal

You are right. Real life is not presented by Tyler Perry. The light skinned man with good hair doesn't always overlook a wack, scandalous grown woman's history.

@ Krystal and @ Wenzel:

(The Audience Claps loudly)
I can't wait to read this. Brody makes a very good point about the good black woman waiting for the bad black boy, I've seen it myself too many times. I don't mean to betray the female race, but it kills me. I mean my best friend was inpregnated by a jobless flip flopper who doesn't even trust her (Or have his green card...), and my other homie is waiting for a brother who has recently been imprisoned for drug trafficking. I had a male cousin tell me how it breaks his heart to watch a good woman love a duche bag. As for me I'm looking for a college mate who reads the black snob weekly....

I don't think most of the readers here are ready for the bombs that are going to drop. You might want to contact this blog, http://blackandmarriedwithkids.com/. They've tried this before.

I can't wait!!!!

Tiffany
http://liferequiresmorechocolate.blogspot.com

Pimp culture is destroying blacks in America.

@Wenzel
I personally know trifling friends who have ruined girls reputations with lies and rumors so that they could get rid of the competition and have the girl themselves.

So young women be careful of the boys you think are your friends or you will have men like Wenzel holding things against you that you did not even do.

Its about to go down.

However, everyone is different, its impossible to get a full completely accurate read on either gender because there are soooo many exceptions to every perceived rule so no matter who Snob comes up with, remember its just THEIR perceptions, marred by their own "issues" and experiences. In other words....DON'T GET MAD. Unfortunately, I fear that even if valuable info and light is shed on this issue directly from men, a lot of women won't be able to receive it because while women constantly complain about how men don't or can't understand them and their needs, seems to me that even when men spell THEIR needs out in "See Spot Run" simplicity, women have a tendency to belittle them and write them off rather than receive them. Should be interesting......

I think it will be the same old blame black women for the sorry state that is black relations. This should be very interesting!

I am very happy you are giving black men an opportunity to respectfully state their opinions. To many sites are echo chambers where dissenting opinions are banned. I don't believe this encourages healthy and constructive discourse. But constructive dialogue is not the objective of these blogs. They operate as a space where black women can have their opinions about black men confirmed by other women who think just like them. Fun.

massive generalizations on the opposite sex is apparently what is hot in these streets. if you're and unhappy, the problem isnt the opposite sex. it's you.

"if you're single and unhappy"

COVETED LADY

@Billionaires I don’t know if I’d covet you, but would like to covet some of that money. Since you feel the need to brag about your money that is probably all you really have to offer. LOL. These Pell Grants are not enough.

Ladies pls don’t brag about your money to men you are dating, gold-diggers both men and women are dangerous these days. You don’t want someone marrying you for your money and then having to watch your back constantly.

Also people who brag about their money normally do not really have their own money, but are just pretenders.

@ swiv,

I totally agree with you on that first post.

True happiness resides above current circumstances.

@The_A
Who was talking about being unhappy ? Just because one is happy does not mean that issues relevant to our community should be ignored. Having a healthy discussion to try to improve situations has nothing to do with being unhappy.

First of all, I LOVE THIS BLOG! I just found it on Essence.com and wanted to come a make a comment about "black men dating white women" and why "it has nothing to do with you" (or me as a black woman...I think)...

I have to say that, initially, I wanted to come and make a comment to the effect that "it feels like it has something to do with me b/c even with the favorable ratio that black men have vs. black women in the dating pool, that so many (seem) to be dating white women does feel personal. Especially when the said white woman is not really a physical catch (but that's a whole 'nother post", blah, blah blah...

But then I thought that, actually, I wanted to talk about the need to "reframe" this conversation between black men and women and start with the LOVE. I mean, it seems that every time this issue comes up, the haters (those who have the most negative things to say about the opposite sex) talks the loudest. Why don't we start the conversation with what we like about each other?...You know, something like, "when I see a black man with a white woman, I'm mad b/c that's one less brother whose gorgeous full lips I won't be kissing anytime soon and I feel that Becky won't know how to really enjoy or work with those sugar lips...." you know, something like that....We all need to get back to the LOVE and stop attacking one another and maybe, just maybe, if we "reframe" the discussion, we can get back to lovin' one another.

Just sayin'

Can't wait! Maybe Brody et al. will tell me why WHY I, with my forty-something young-assed self keep getting those side-eyes and comments -- dang!-what-she-gone-an-done-dat-for -- from Brothas when I am out and about with my so fine Asian hubby/babe? Hell, who asked y'all anyways? Y'all know me and mine?

@Lavetta Cannon

Love is love. A white woman can love a black man or a black woman can love a white man just as well as if both people were black.

But caution!!! White people don't have a long shelf-life. One day your layin up with Charlize Theron and the next day, ITS DAMN BETTY WHITE! YOU GOTTA PUT A WHOLE LOTTA MONEY INTO A WHITE GIRL! Trainer, nutritionist, hair stylist, surgeon... Don't be fooled by these over 30 starlets on tv, the average white girl is probably going to start taking a serious nose-dive before 30, I have my highschool reunion to vouch for that. Soooooo YOU BETTA LUUUV HER! With that "looks aren't everything" kinda love. Black don't crack that easily.

@ Ally Pls tell us how you met your husband.
I have never dated outside of my race, but have had friendships, and I find that I just do not have enough in common with men of another race to have a long lasting relationship. Interracial marriages often do not last because of the lack of commonalties. Also due to the history that we have had with them, I find it difficult to trust white men and cannot understand how a disproportionate number of Black men trust them enough to marry them. In general, I do have more in common personality wise with the Asian men that I have encountered, than races of men other than Black. They seem to be very straight forward and respectful in general and not prone to allot of game playing. I think their traditions help to form a personality that is responsible, honorable, but a little dull. If I were single and could not find a decent black man to marry I would try one of the dating websites in which Asian- American men are seeking Black women.

@Nancy- Is there something about "Black Marriage Crisis." that denotes happiness?

I never stated anything about ignoring relevant issues and I would be the last person to discourage healthy discussion and improvements to any situation.

My point is this: It is highly irrational and destructive to imply that marriage will make unhappy single Black women or men happy. It is just as irrational and destructive to broad brush single people -particularly black women as unhappy.

Yet it is with this same flawed logic that the majority of these discussions are framed. How you frame a discussion dictates the response. And therefore very few of these 'discussions' are healthy, and even fewer actually seek to improve.

@ Lavetta Cannon - you have the right idea about framing the conversation around Love.

I'm interested to see where Snob goes with this 1. because I respect her writing and 2. because she just finished highlighting what is wrong with the conversations being held elsewhere.

@ The_A

precisely. the logic that permeates in discussions such as these is so underwhelming.

"men do this, and this X which is why we're all single"

"well women do Y, that's why we do X, which is why we're all single. "

do you and only you. eff what everyone else is going through.

We black folks should probably go to sit at the feet of MARRIED black couples who have been successfully married for at least 10 years (enough time to go thru some stuff and then get over it) and we should shut up and let them speak about black marriage relationships--then maybe we could learn something. Listening to single men who BLAME single women and single women who BLAME single men, listening to sistahs whose heads have been turned around by that entity that told them they deserved "it all" (some sistahs have a hard time letting go of that fantasy) listening to "playas" who think there's power in breaking a woman's spirit (some brothas have a hard time letting go of that fantasy) listening to brothas who think that power and self actualization is in the white woman embrace, listening to sistas who think materialism is the key to happiness-- We have been listening too long to people who don't know a daggone thing! And we wonder why we go in circles! We black folks tend to want to speak for all of us, (understandable)
thus a brotha can come out of his mouth with "black women don't want the good men" And a sista can come out of her mouth with "black men are dogs" I do declare that BOTH of these arguments are more tired than all this talk ABOUT the state of black relationships!!! It's this inability to move forward (because the blame game stymies one's capacity for intellectual forward movement) that once again and again one more time KEEPS us in the position to be exploited! Think Jerry Springer, Maury Povich, etceterah etceterah etceterah. BLACK PEOPLE! Aren't you tired of being exploited? As long as you see yourself as inferior--in beauty, in marriageability, in intectual acumen, in culture, in anything (and thats the crux of these issues) then you will perpetually be exploited! Now when you step up and respect yourselves, your women, your men, your mother, father, culture your essential selves, then what other people have to say about you will roll off your backs and not take any effect on your spirits! Hey, I'm just sayin"!
black-folks.blogspot.com

@swiv
We are talking about a serious issue that is negatively impacting the black community, we need to work together to come up with a plan of action, but your suggestion is to "do you" and forget the rest of the community. In my opinion that is some bad and devilish advice. LOL