Mo'Nique's Hairy Legs + "Open" Marriage = TMI
Wednesday, March 3, 2010 at 7:12PM
I forgave Mo'Nique for "The Parkers." It had to go off the air for a few years and UPN had to die, but I eventually forgave her for introducing that abomination of a show onto the world. My hatred of The Parkers is something rich, fertile and pure and I could write invective-filled sonnets about it. But I won't because Mo'Nique has managed to become bigger and better than The Parkers ever were. Kudos. So, now they are forever obscured by her other exploits and her Oscar nomination and she is not solely known as the fat chick who screams "Haaaaaaay Professor!" at a man who doesn't want her.
But Mo? Can I call you that? Or Nique? Is that more apropos? What's up with all the too much information lately? I know we're currently living in the Age of the Overshare and I know I've overshared on more than one occasion, but I didn't know you'd recently become an ambassador for hairy legs and open marriages?
Now the hairy legs did not shock me. I was raised in a household by old school black parents who thought leg shaving was the devil and looked at me like I was a wonton harlot the day I finally broached the subject of wanting to shave my marginally hairy legs. Maybe younger black folks don't know, but there was a time when shaving your legs was on that long, verboten list of "things white folks do." Or at least it still was with my parents back in the gay old 1990s. Considering that Mo'Nique has a few years on me, I'm just going chalk up her embrace of hairiness as "It's a black thing. You wouldn't understand."
The open marriage, tho, is a whole other ball of flaming hot mess.
Not because it's open, mind you. As I commented on Womanist Musing's blog, marriage is something that happens between two people and you never, ever get to know what the hell is going on because you're not part of that very exclusive club of two. As well as I know my mother I will never know my mother as well as my father does or on the spiritual level he does. He knew her before I was twinkle in her eye. He knows her heart. She knows his heart. I've got some wild guesses as to why their marriage has lasted more than 35 years, but they would be just that, guesses. I know there's a whole side to both my parents that I'll never know or understand because I'm their child and not privy to that magical bond of two people who have chosen to spend their life together.
Meaning: Y'all don't know what Mo'Nique and Sidney actually have. Please reserve judgment. It could be real. It could be all lies. I could be a little of both. And that's true for all marriages. You just don't know.
I'll repeat here what I said on WM's blog:
(O)ther than what Monique has told us, we have no clue what works and doesn't work for her relationship. We have no clue of what the costs and benefits are, the idiosyncrasies, those intimate details that you only learn when you choose to share your life with a person. For lack of a better description, marriage is "deep." People get married for all sorts of reasons and to all kinds of people. Not just the fantasy, fairy tale notion we have of marriage and monogamy in American society. But for security, companionship, societal pressure, family, money, "It seemed like a good idea at the time," etc. This is the route Mo'Nique has chosen. Hopefully it is one she is happy and comfortable with. She's not saying everyone should do it. She's just stating what works for her. I'm not going to speculate whether it does or not as I am not living with her, promising to love her or sharing a life with her. That dude she married is.
Obviously, open marriages are not for everyone. I know I couldn't personally do it because I will get jealous and it will get ugly and there will be tears and the loud playing of Jazmine Sullivan albums and me giving you a not-so-thinly-vieled nickname on the blog and passive aggressiveness of me putting you on blast for the 3,000 or so odd folks who show up here a day to gander at my brain doodles.
I'm the "I don't wanna know" girl. Meaning I DON'T WANNA KNOW! And you don't want me to know. If I know, there will be HELL TO PAY. So if you're incapable of being faithful to me, but you never want me to leave you, you better figure that shit out. You either need to develop game so tight your nickname is Parker Bros. or you need to just get out of the business of cheating on me.
That all being said, Mo'Nique, I'm also the "I don't wanna know" girl about your marriage. Yay for marriage. I'm pro-marriage. As an old thrice marriage professor of mine used to say, "I believe in marriage! Everyone should try it at least once or twice!" But I just think the initimate natures of who you and your hubby choose or not choose to schtup outside your marriage is your business, not mine. Maybe there are some other folks in open marriages who are all "Right on!" and glad you spoke up when they couldn't for fear of massive side-eye, but seriously ... girl, we don't need to know.
Reader Comments (71)
Personally, I don't see the problem with either admission. I see no reason why she needs to hide her hairy legs, it ain't too much information when people show their legs off all the time. And so what if she has an open marriage? It shouldn't be a shameful secret. I am for diversity in all things, and if it works for you and you wanna talk about it? Fine by me.
I know we are suppose to have an open mind to such things... and... well... to each his own.. However to ME, in my most humblest of opinions, I can't help but feel she has taken that stance that many bigger women take which is I can't do no better than to have a man who wants to have sex with whomever he wants outside the marriage and Im just so desperate enough to go for it.
Me personally, I would be more l like you. I am too blasted selfish to be sharing!!! If my big arse aint enuff than KEEP IT MOVIN!!!
Let me just say that I have seen her legs with my own eyes... It is really real.
It is very odd to see leg hair on grown women anymore, but I too grew... up in the South
I guess she changed her mind about cheating after Gerald Levert cheated on her *Shrugs*
You are a better person than me; I still can't forgive her for 'The Parkers'.
she looks like she wears uggs.
but yea, open marriage is not for the kid.
Women, has it really come to this? Have we lost so much power and surrendered so much self respect that we are ‘comfortable’ with our spouse participating in an open relationship?
And…ummm, have we FORGOTTEN about AIDS and other STDS?? In this open relationship, do you TRUST that your partner will always think of YOU while sexing someone else by protecting himself…and in turn, you? Oops, forgive the aforementioned oxymoron, as your partner is NOT thinking of you while sexing someone else. Why put your life and health in the hands of another; if your man doesn’t like how condoms ‘feel’ when sowing his wild oats…well, I hope you both love how STDs feel. You will not be in the room and cannot control whether your spouse chooses to protect himself or go au naturale… Do you fully trust this man, who’s cheating on you, with every fiber in your body?? Part of the joy of being in a committed relationship with one person is that you do not have to worry about outside diseases infiltrating your home…and body.
Monique had stated on another Blog earlier that she has Known her Husband for 25 years - they were friends 1st AND that the Majority of " Married " folks don't Know who they are LIEING oops lying Next to.
ANYWAY...I Commend Monique on her Testiment that her Own Brother Molested Her - Many Obviously have experienced this sort of abuse ( have a cousin who has claimed a female family member molested him, yet he did not give a name )
My Father has been victimized & to this day is still grappling with issues...Bless His Heart.
She is a Winner as far as that is Concerned ( confronting her abuser ) Da Nile is a River in Egypt.
Have a GoodNite GOOD PEOPLE!
Privacy + Down To Earth = GOOD
I'm sorry but those hairy legs are the grossest things this side of Milwaukee. I know hairy legs are a black man's thing, but it's not my thing. Yucky!
well, to each her own.
her legs don't bother me because, i too grew up in a household that wasn't too keen of shaving (although, i stated shaving in HS...on the down low lol)
What i find interesting, though, is that the commenters who are anti-open marriage attribute her willingness to have an open marriage to low self-esteem (or her weight), as if she has no choice in the matter.
Monique strikes me as the type to wield a certain amount of self confidence that she wouldn't just fall for the okey doke and go along with her husband's willingness to sleep around.
Remember people, open marriages work both ways. I'm sure she's not sitting at home being lonely.
Cheers to women demanding nothing of men, except: don’t ask, don’t tell. Even the stodgy military seems to be catching on that the don’t ask, don’t tell policy forced upon homosexuals is complete rubbish… Yet, this is the policy that some wish to adopt to maintain a ‘healthy’ relationship? Is a gay person’s trash a low-self esteem person’s gold? Have women lost all power and self respect? That we are discussing, ‘cheat on me but don’t tell me’ and ‘allowing’ a spouse to participate in an open relationship (and just maaaaybe, the woman will be allowed outside partners, too…maybe) shows how little respect that we demand. Monique’s statement implies that she is faithful while her husband can do as he pleases.
Do desperate times call for desperate measures: take any little scrap of happiness he gives you b/c it’s better to be in a relationship with a selfish cheat than to be alone. Sounds to me like someone is desperate to hold a man and will do whatever possible to please him: let him have his cake and eat it too…while the Missus sits in the corner with a crust of bread.
Agree 100% with aptly named SelfRespect.
some commenters on here need to kindly shut the f*ck up. im sick of women - hell 'people' - assuming that any concious decision to have an alternative lifestyle outside of whats mainstream is somehow a symptom of low standards, low self-esteem, etc..the irony baffles me.
in essence many of you reflect the notion that the only way you can receive and give 'true' is in a script thats been dictated to you what your mommy and/or daddy - and an entire culture you probably have never even taken the time to study - TELLS you is proper. who really cant think for themselves. and needs validation.
dont get me wrong there is nothing wrong with doing what works for you - and being proud of it. it that happens to be traditional monogamy, so be it. but if you disagree with someone else's CHOICES, you need to find a way to simply disagree without being overeager to judge and assume you have some moral authority, or higher standard.
honesty and integrity is more imporant to some people than maintaining a fantasy of monogamy. its harder, it takes more emotional work, and ironically is subject to much more criticism and misunderstanding. it takes integrity for two ppl to decide to bond and commit in ways other than just pure sexual /emotional exclusivity. when people choose an alternative lifestyle such as open marriage, just stop to think for a minute instead of assuming the tradition of lying, 'protecting', or maintaining a fantasty is the better choice.
and why is it so many of you assume an open marriage means a woman getting stepped out on (by this definition, some of you have so much as said you want a 'hidden' open marriage...). open is open. where both parties are free to do what they want to do. being 'open' is more about being 'honest' than it is about being 'permissive,' are the views here so myopic, and so dismissive of the concept of an empowered woman getting what SHE wants out of life - that the default is to assume she's catering to a man or desperate??
women grow up. love YOURSELVES. itll show in your ability to love and respect others.
people can be, and will be different. why turn that fact into an opportunity to be stupid with your opinions.
It's her life and she is a growna.. woman and if she wants to deal with some mess like that, power to you. With the hairy legs, um I can't hang, I keep these suckers smooth 24/7. Her marriage is no ones business but hers and ther husbands.
Tiffany
http://liferequiresmorechocolate.blogspot.com
Don't care about her hairy legs..maybe Mo will start a trend..and then it would be one less unnecessary beauty standard women have to live up to ...i mean really it's her legs. they ain't hurting nobody...as far as her open marriage..
Mo is a grown woman and i wouldn't be surprised if neither has another lover...sometimes when you have the option you don't necessarily indulge in it..and how amusing the folks that disapprove of this..probably significant other out creeping while they are typing their rant...lol..just joking..but i guess basically ..we never know what our SO is doing out of sight...
and with the staggering divorce rates and folk after folk being busted for having affairs..in this day and age of easy access to folk (texting, Internet, cell phone numbers, etc) and we are more at work than at home..and having "work husband/wives" it's not surprising folk are going astray more and more these days..and remember in Mo's world...the entertainment world..temptation is ten times fold...so maybe it's a matter of just adjusting her marriage to her surroundings or
maybe she really doesn't care about traditional marriage standards...there's no law stating you have to be like everyone else...*shrug*
It's Monique's life to live and it appears we don't have that much time left with all these storms tsunamis and earthquakes, increasing unless you can afford to get into one of these nice ala 2012 style bunkers. Or if you are a high up gov official?
http://www.bomb-shelter.net/community%20shelter%20system%20pricing.html
I couldn't do it. I'm selfish. Sorry but that's just me.
Only reason she putting this out there now is because she is on the fast track with this movie nomination. Her husband's infidelity is now bound to get out and she just trying to head that mess off before the gossip blogs blow her situation up. Her so called husband has already been spotted at sex clubs. She married her gay best friend. My gaydar has been going off like crazy every time I see photos of this duke. This is a Star Jones / Al Reynolds, Terry McMillian / Jonathan Plummer scenario. This sham of a marriage is an arrangement for Monique to be his beard and she gets to have a "husband" and hide it under the guise of an open marriage. This is just some ole Hollyweird mess.
Isn't it better for her to say it now than the media fish, catch, and blast her about it later? This way if anyone catches her or hubby with someone else no one can say anything.
my thoughts exactly @ padua. monique is a beautiful woman who has CHOSEN a lifestyle. an open marriage isn't my thing but why would anyone assume that she's the one getting shorted in that arrangement? some of us pretend we are so above the ole negress 'woe is us' attitude yet it's written all over some of these comments...
Open marriage can also be going both ways, so instead of pegging her as a beard, why not roll with being bi? Maybe they are both comfortable with "love the one you're with". But listening to her radio show and stand up routines, its pretty clear she likes men. Went to college in AL, lots o hairy legs in the south, but not so bad if its smooth and not bristly. I really don't care. Its the ankle bracelets under pantyhose that kill me.
B-b-but whoo-ooo-oo gonna luv me-eee?
^^^
classic line up there with "Make me feel goooood!" and the entire New Jack City script.
Give her the Oscar now.
I'm rooting for her Sunday night...and then I'm rootting for her to disappear.
This isn't the first time Mo'nique has said this statement, why it's getting the attention now who knows. I haven't seen the interview with Babs but the impression I got when she was on "The View" is if he cheated it wasn't a deal breaker. Meaning they aren't getting divorce over it. I didn't get "open marriage" from her "View" apperance.