Tiger Woods Is Sorry Ya'll! Damn! Why Won't You Let Him Be Great?
So I finally got around to watching Tiger Woods apologize to my dad for not playing golf, forcing him to listen to stories about Phil Mickleson and other things he hates. Because, really, that's who he should be apologizing to -- folks who hate crappy golf. They want to see Tiger be GREAT. This? My pops didn't want to see this!
It was just 10 tons of AWKWARD since the only folks who he should be apologizing to, besides my dad, is the wife Elin, his poor mother who can't show up at Bingo now without folks giving her the side-eye and his sponsors, who seriously, were the ones he hurt the most. Think of the MONEY! The sponsors believed in your ability to make them lots of cash, Tiger. Why you did you have to go and scare them like that? Acting all human with failings and shit?
Aside from that? Dude, what are you apologizing for? I would have respected you more if you'd sauntered up to that podium, kicked it over and said, "Hell's yeah, I'm a billionaire sports nerd who likes to bang skankilicious white women! See you at the Masters, bitches! Tiger, Tiger Woods, Ya'll!" Then walked off, Sammy Sosa, kiss-two-fingers-to-the-sky style. Instead he just looked all stiff and afraid, like he wanted to do that, but COULDN'T because we won't let Tiger be great. FOR SHAME! No. We want Tiger in this perfect little box that he's been sitting in since he was tyke, being Blasian Golf Buddha-Jesus. It's HARD out there for a Buddha-Jesus, ya'll! Especially when you're a Buddha-Jesus golfer who really, really likes to get laid! And really, in the end this is between the wife, the Baker's dozen of "hostesses" he banged, the STDs he may or may not have contracted as a result and the doctor who will doll out the drugs for those STDs. Really.
World? Please let Tiger Woods just be great. Let him be the Nerd Golf George Clooney. Let him just be single and let him just do whatever gross stuff he wants to do with those ladyfriends of his and let me NEVER HEAR ABOUT THEM AGAIN. And let him pimp walk around the golf course all day long blasting LL Cool J's "Mama Said Knock You Out" while Phil Mickleson curls up into a fetal position, crying, having flashbacks of Winged Foot while someone plays Mark Jackson in a loop shouting over and over "Mama, there goes that man again!"
But nooooo. Instead I got this. Which is fine. Or whatever. Chunky A did it better.
Tiger Woods, golf, media, relationships, sports 
Reader Comments (20)
I honestly didn't think he had anything to publicly apologize for either. That speech was a little awkward to watch, due to his silly explanations for his actions and using words like "entitled". If I was one of his handlers I would have never let him go through w/ that.
IMHO, the best thing that Tiger could have done was either: a) do his Barbara Walters or Diane Sawyer interview where he explains every little detail of what had happened and sincerely, or insincerely (we've seen it all before, who cares anymore?) shed a tear or two while he apologizes to his wife and sponsors, and then never speak about or acknowledge the controversy afterward (not my favorite choice because it's too humbling but it may curb any further allegations or speculations); or b) withdraw from public view like J.D. Salinger, and every once and a while pull a Bobby Fisher, play and win a tournament, and then go back to being a recluse. With all of the curiosity surrounding him, it would even further his legendary "Blasian Golf Buddha-Jesus" status.
I couldn't stop laughing while watching it. It couldn't help myself because I was thinking why in the world would he want apologize to the world for having an affair. Sure he can apologize to his family and friends, but really to the general public. I know that their are people, like your father, who are probably pissed because they want to see a decent golf game and not a silly press conference of Tiger admitting he was acting like a fratboy. The only forgiveness he truly needs to worry about is the one from his wife. Yeah, he hopes that the public and his sponsors do too, but in the long run if he's a great golfer people are going to watch him and he will have a line of sponsors.
Tiffany
http://liferequiresmorechocolate.blogspot.com/
Too funny.
I couldn't agree more. Tiger Woods really doesn't owe anyone an apology except for his wife and kids and that's pretty much it. I think Tiger realizes or has begun to realize how things work in America when it comes to extremely wealthy sports athletes whose image has been created by companies who and factions who make these sports athletes extremely wealthy human beings.
But that's just it - they are still HUMAN beings.
Enjoyed the read.
Right on, ladies. This is primarily a matter for Tiger and Elin --- his sponsors, staff, charities, foundation, and friends have probably already had their say...
However, I have a few words to the "broken hearted alleged mistresses" who are holding press conferences --- especially Jamie Jungers who's blaming Tiger for all her ills...
No offense, Jamie; but, you’re a whore. Your fifteen minutes are over. You and the rest of the volunteers got on your backs at free will. Get over it.
You are out of his league. He wanted one thing.
Warning: No one will know who you are within --- who are you again?
Go to school --- you’re clearly not very bright.
While you’re at it, get a legit occupation, and move on with your life.
http://www.ebonyinspired.com/?p=17445
Tiger has the adoration of millions because he is the best....and because he is a great guy. But now, he breaks the insinuated promise to behave like a prince so those throngs need an apology. Arnie or Jack never cheated...well, never got caught. Tiger was sure of his omnipotence and it cost him big time.
You're right that Tiger doesn't OWE the public an apology but he did HAVE to publicly apologize. Celebrities get endorsement deals because of their talent and recognition. If Tiger went up to the podium and demonstrated your Sammy Sosa scenario he might as well kiss away any hope of future endorsements. The speech was only about image control and clean up. Kobe received endorsements after his scandal. Tiger is hoping he can too and this public apology was the first step toward ensuring that.
Yeah, the whole public apology thing is tired. Especially with all the golfers coming out of the woodwork talking about how Tiger has "disrespected" the game. They want him to apologize for cussing and throwing his club during matches.
Now let me get this straight. Vijay Singh said he would take his club and go home if he had to compete against Annika Sorenstam because she's a woman. John Daly takes tequila shots between golf swings. Sergio Garcia has been known to urinate on golf courses.
And Tiger should apologize for disrespecting the game?
Like I said in my post, the only group Tiger really needs to apologize to is the Light Skinned Brother community. The skanky White women thing has been a definite setback for our people, but if he comes back and kicks ass, we'll call it even.
I know tiger likes his women white, does he also like all of his friends white. i notice he did not have any black people in his cheering section during his press release? Tiger is not black, at best he is 1/4 "quarter" black. SO BLACK PEOPLE PLEASE STOP CLAIMING THE CABLAASIAN AS BLACK.
Thanks, AP, for that caption "Tiger Woods, Golfer." I was totally confused.
Didn't see the video but read the speech text. How contrived, ridiculous, and awkward.
Good piece as usual, Danielle.
he shoulda come in with his hoes and crip walked.
he's still a bitch, tho. ol apologizin ass.
LOL.
and he does need better hoes.
at least a maitre d.
or at least someone whose sole income isn't on tips.
tiger woods, great?
it is your article.
and your article is your opinion, but it is gross.
tiger woods is gross, not great.
black people need to stop acting so desperate. most of us are better than that ass hole tiger. i for one always tell my kids, "be like your dad, be like me". tiger deserves all the pain they dish upon him. only taking it and facing it will make him a better man. he is in therapy. several times each day health car professionals are telling him, frankly, how low the life he lives is and that he must change to be a real man. why would you presume to know otherwise. what about all the social issues we as black americans have. do you think that some of the black on black crime is because of our own cutting down of our civilization?
if i knew him i would slap the taste out of his mouth.
that boy is not great!
@ db
1. The greatness refers to golf and this post has absolutely nothing to do with Tiger's race other than I refer to him as "Blasain Buddha-Jesus."
2. Satire.
@ Swiv
LOL!
Great piece Danielle.
Ms. Snob, please permit me a little "spelling nazi" rant here: you consistently misspell "y'all" as "ya'll." That apostrophe in a contraction -- to belabor the obvious -- indicates one or more letters is missing. What letters are missing between the "a" and the "ll"? It's "y'all" because "ou" is missing from "you all." Just a little helpful advice, I hope, for my most favorite blog -- the only one I consistently read.
My boy was at his brother's house this weekend - he says they have a big picture of Tiger on the wall in their basement. They are not taking it down. But my boy's sister-in-law was curious - they ALL had to be white? Why?
My boy said he tried but he couldn't hold back - "because white chicks will do kinky shit for free that you couldn't pay a sister to do."
There is a big difference between a minor slip up and bangign out a double digit number of hoes while pretending to be the Golden Boy. No one expects perfection but damn does anyone have some sort of moral standard anymore? "He's only human is thrown out there as if humans have no concept of right and wrong or at the least the understanding of actions and consequences. Tiger's actions led to a tarnished image which can be a no go for some endorsement deals. The man has to start somewhere with making his image shine again and the apology is his start. Soon enough his fans who were actually hurt in some way by his actions will move on and this will be a distant memory. No need to act all sorry for the man.
Let him just be single and let him just do whatever gross stuff he wants to do with those ladyfriends of his and let me NEVER HEAR ABOUT THEM AGAIN.
This cannot happen because Friday's little speech was Tiger's attempt to time travel back to February 2009 when he was above reproach (remember when the athlete to demonize was Michael Vick? Oh the ignominy of Tiger and Michael Vick even being mentioned in the same sentence! What would Tiger's unfaithful father say? Pass the smelling salts!) and walked around the world profiting from the fantasy of Tiger as the ideal husband, father but most important of all, BRAND.
He will never be ready to accept his true nature. Buddha can't help him! I get the feeling that he still can't believe he got busted and is possibly trying to blame everyone else except his wonky moral compass for his wandering peen.
So what the F$$K is he supposed to be now Santa Claus?!! And what you all are going to be upset there is no Easter Bunny either right,right?! I don't get the 'apologies tour' either especially NOT to the half-assed hypocrites commenting acting like they are the purveyors of morality and decency when all they REALLY are are hating ass b**ches who apparently have some unfufilled need and love to use any and all opportunity to tear down ANY black person. Which Tiger Woods is despite some people's protest to the contrary and if he's so 'not 'a black then why are YOU commenting then?! Seeing how you DAMN SURE wouldn't be saying squat about a white male like sleazebucket king Clinton who last time I checked was NOT THE LEAST BIT BLACK but that didn't stop you all from RUSHING to defend his pig ass! And by the way all the women I saw linked to Clinton nesflash NONE OF THEM WERE BLACK EITHER so how DARE you put restricitons on the 'not black' man and none on the 'never black' man?! What bizarro universe does THAT s**t make sense in oh right the one where black people get their hate on and get to play 'crabs in a barrel' with impunity.