Something in the R&B Does Not Compute (Valentines Day)
"Maybe you've never been in love the way I've been in love ..." -- Lenny Williams, "Cause I Love You"
I don't listen to the radio very often. Mostly because it drives me insane. There's always some Lil' Somebody with an autotune warbling something that will only make me mad, so I just don't turn the thing on. But while talking and reminiscing with a friend about the soul genius that was Luther Vandross I loudly complained that something has gone horribly, horribly awry with modern R&B. And I'm not talking about the autotune or the fact that Mariah Carey and Whitney can't blow like they used to. No. I'm talking about the overall tone of R&B music at this present time.
For, once upon a time, a lot of R&B was about love. Being excited about love. Sad about love. How love wouldn't let you wait. How you just had the best lovin' you ever had. How you're lovin' somebody else's guy (or girl). How you've just made love for the first time. How you've never had a love like this before. You know? All that nice mushy stuff where women either sing the blues or celebrate the special one in their life and the menfolks all pine desperately just to hold your hand, go crazy without you and beg you to take them back.
I don't know what happened, and maybe it's just me. But nowadays all the women singing sound PISSED OFF and all the men are singing about how great they are in the penis department. Love? What love? One side just wants to get laid and the other is crying while busting out the windows in your car. If R&B is a barometer to measure the current status of black love in America, sweet Lord, something CRAZY PANTS is going on.
Some would be quick to blame the bravado/machismo of rap music which has come to dominate a lot of black popular culture. And that probably has something to do with it, but then, how do you explain the success of 90s New Jack Swing, soul act Jodeci? These dudes came on stage at an awards show in masks, brandishing machetes, yet all their songs they were either "Feenin," "Alone," begging me to come and talk to them (still my favorite) or crying for me. And yeah, if you ask Mary J., K-Ci Hailey was all kinds of effed up in the head, but he had enough sense not to sing songs about knocking women around. If you didn't believe K-Ci and Jo-Jo were planning a duel suicide at the end of "I'm Still Waiting," you weren't feeling it right.
I think the tipping point was somewhere between Rihanna singing about playing Russian Roulette and who ever sings that awful, "I Invented Sex" song that I just had to turn the radio off. The contrasts are amazing.
Take for instance Beyonce. I have a love/hate relationship with her that I have documented many times on this blog. Her music sometimes leaves me some to be desired, but she's talented, her voice is stellar and I will forever be grateful for her and Jay creating "Crazy In Love." Yet what really stood out to me in her performance in the film "Cadillac Records" was her take on Etta James' "All I Could Do Was Cry." She did an outstanding job, but what hit me was that Beyonce, the real Beyonce of the yaki and the pantlessness, would never actually sing a song like this. Not a modern version. As she doesn't really take well to singing things about desperation and weakness. We're all weak sometimes, but Beyonce usually goes for the super strong ideal, the way women wish they could in a break-up, rather than eating a half-gallon of Chunky Monkey and watching "Mo Betta Blues" over and over again, swearing to Denzel that you'd be MORE than happy to save his life.
But for the most part, Beyonce's songs about "love" are about being tough and she's usually a little pissed off. And she's been this way since Destiny's Child. Their biggest hits were songs about men they couldn't stand ("Bugaboo"), men who were broke and not worth their time ("Bills, Bills, Bills"), men who were being put on notice for being shady ("Say My Name"), or how they didn't need a man ("Independent Women). This spilled over into her solo career where she made her mettle with songs where she told men that they could be dismissed and replaced ("Irreplaceable"), where men could just get out already ("Green Light"), how you suck as a man and she would be a much better one ("If I Was A Boy") and how you could have had her, but you lost her so be miserable without her, suckers ("Single Ladies").
But while Bey sings about being pissed off, I don't truly believe that she's mad. (Just look at her. What does she have to be mad about?) I think she's just reflecting what's popular right now. Mary J. Blige may have given up the drama, but everyone else -- from Jazmine Sullivan to Chrisette Michelle to Rihanna to Kelis -- is knee deep in drama.
Whether it's Rihanna telling you that "you're so ugly when you cry" or Chrisette having epiphanies that she would just rather leave you that continue down this well tread road of hurt and recriminations, black women just seem -- for lack of a better term -- pissed off in the world of R&B. The love has gone baaaad. In a big way. Sure. Sade is back and she's still all depressingly well-adjusted, singing beautiful, timeless ballads of the Terminator of loves (you can't kill it!), but she's from a bygone era back when people were still singing about how they couldn't live without each other.
As I explained the phenomenon to a friend, how men seem to want to sing about sex and women seem to want to sing about homicide, he said that a modern R&B singer couldn't pull a Lenny Williams because that would be too "soft." But I explained to him that there is a serious flaw in that logic. Even the most caddish of classic R&B singers, think Al Green before he let Jesus reclaim him in the name of hot grits, sang about the depths and desperation of love. His first big hit was "Tired of Being Alone." He didn't dare sing a song about how "great" Al Green was. He knew what his audience wanted to hear. His audience was women and women wanted to be loved, they wanted to be flattered, they wanted to be romanced, they wanted the fantasy. He could be a dog off the stage, but on stage he had to be that perfect, passionate lover who would pine for you because that kind of love is so rare that for most folks the closest they'll get to anything that intense is through song.
This isn't lost on all modern R&B singers. Maxwell gets it all too well and he is rewarded tenfold by a grateful, panty-throwing audience of women. Robin Thicke seems to understand. And Eric Benet, also a cad, knows better to be the romantic on a record.
Yet, the whole "he's soft" mindset from menfolk is amazing to me because, um, those songs aren't for you. They're for women. Of COURSE they're not hard rock. Women don't want to hear about how you're awesome. They want to hear that they're awesome. Believe me, Keith Sweat wasn't lacking for female attention. He understood how the game worked. When I was a kid every guy I knew HATED Babyface and Tevin Campbell, but every girl I knew LOVED them. Yeah, they begged. And you're going to need that begging track if you ever want to seduce anyone. They're doing the hard part for you, saying what you can't say because you don't want to be "soft."
Unfortunately, you now have a generation of women growing up, listening to R&B, thinking the invention of sex is the hallmark of what should be sung about in a traditional R&B ballad. And sure, sex has been huge since the blues and when Marvin first crooned "Let's Get It On," but what constitutes a ballad now-a-days is getting kind of sketchy.
And women have always gotten a little sassy in song, but the sassiness has gone above and beyond the call of duty. We've gone from Aretha asking for respect (the same Aretha who pined for a "do right man" because she was a do right woman), to Rihanna being "Hard."
I get it. No one wants to be vulnerable anymore. No one wants to be hurt. Nobody wants to be the fool (even though "everybody plays the fool sometimes"). Everybody is once bitten, twice shy. Great. Fabulous. Cut it. Print it. It's a hit record. But I'm tired. Sometimes I just want to listen to a song about happy people in some happy love. I want to escape for a five minutes or more into the joyous rapture of Luther telling me how I'm never too much. I want to hear from singers who aren't afraid to put it all on the line via song. Who put it out there in an almost embarrassing, naked way, how they feel -- whether they wrote it or their just interpreting the words of someone else's heartbreak.
It's Valentines Day and while I'm glad you think you have the ability to make love to every girl in the world, I'd really rather hear a song for me and only me. So, I'm just going to turn up Isaac Hayes crooning about how "The Look of Love" is in my eye. You can keep the T-Pain and the angry pain tonight. I'll pass.
R&B, RnB, Valentines Day, beyonce, lenny williams, music 
Reader Comments (54)
Excellent. I thought I was the only one on the planet who can't stand that "Single Ladies" song. I'm also kinda spoiled, cause I have satellite radio, so if I hear a song that sucks, I have the option to either change the channel, or flip on my iPod.
I second that emotion :)
That was really well written. I have had similar conversations with friends. We have talked about the fact that young artist no longer sing about love. It makes me sad that young girls are growing up only hearing crass songs about sex. But I never thought about what the women were singing about. I love the way you put the two sides together for a glance at the bigger picture. Also, what do you think about the trend of songs from men talking about women who have it all like '5 star chick'. Do you think that those songs are progressive? Or are they maybe an indication that black guys can demand a higher caliber woman since we outnumber them? That's just something I've thought about. Happy Valentines Day!
when you're writing a "those kids today don't appreciate..." post, you know you're getting old. :-)
i'm one of those oddball black folk who never really got into R&B. and i haven't listened to commercial radio in years, decades even. i can't stand it, mostly due to the frequency of the ads. so i have no opinion about today's R&B, but i will say that you shouldn't worry about the kids coming up today. for them, popular music consumption is a completely different experience. thanks to the internet, mp3 and digital recording technology, they are in no way trapped or held hostage to what Clear Channel and Sony want them to listen to. myself, i haven't bought new music in a really long time. why should i? i use iTunes, which has about a million internet radio channels to choose from, many of them also commercial free. i let the DJs keep up with what's new and hip so i don't have to, and save my money for wine and chocolate, the better to get my date into the sack. :-)
Brilliant! Get out of my head! I feel *precisely* the same way. I don't disagree with anything you've written. Thanks so much for this blog post! And Happy Valentine's Day to you!! :]
@ chicago
Yeah, as I was writing this I was tempted to say "And these kids these days!!!" and shake my fist, but then I remembered that I'm 32 and that would be too ridiculous. But I'm going to make a bomb crabby old lady who hates everything someday!
Happy Valentines Day everyone! I too agree with you completely. Itunes brings in the old stuff for free.
Now if these folks would just roll up their windows and listen to that junk in their car without inflicting it on me.
i'm only 20 and i wholeheartedly agree. give me al green over trey songz any day.
pssshhh, people don't love. they just fuck these days.
and i feel sorry for these little girls who think love means good sex and some loose change.
Funny, how I stopped listening to the radio about 7 years ago. I listen to my old CDs...I listen to Smooth jazz on HD radio ... but that's about it. The music is JUNK, period. But the music also reflects the people writing and listening to it ... so what does it say about the 20 somethings and 30 somethings? I wouldn't have put it as bluntly as swiv - but its true. People are so into the instant gratification, do they REALLY take time to love?
I whole-heartedly agree with this post too. R&B songs are not about love anymore--at least the stuff that is getting air time. As you mnetioned, Maxwell, Robin Thicke, and Eric Benet are still trying to hold it down, and I will add Anthony Hamilton to the mix. It is a shame. It's almost like a "dying art form." Boys II Men (remember them?) were on the Tavis Smiley Show not too long ago. I haven't thought of them in a while. Apparently, they have been recording and performing music all this time. However, they mainly perform in Europe and other countries outside of the US. As they said during their interview, their music is about love and people in the US do not appreciate love songs anymore. How sad!!!
Is this art imitating life, or life imitating the art?
Good Stuff, I totally agree. It is true that there is a lack of either side wanting to be vulnerable. The music is reflecting the state of many our lives. Neither side wants to humble themselves, it's too hard. Neither side want to kiss and make up, that's hard too, we have too much pride. The truth is we do need each other, but there is just too much anger, pain and pride that is standing in the way, so instead of making up we break up and write a song to reflect our pain. Instead of a "sexual healing" we all need a deep "spiritual healing", then the music will immediately change.
I completely agree with you. I can't even barely watch 106 & Park anymore b/c these current songs are just plain ignorant and immature. Don't get me wrong, I jam to the hip-hop stations, but my musical heart belongs to the heart and soul stations.
Just the other day I was on youtube reminiscing with Al B. Sure's "Nite and Day", and other R&B videos from the 80's and 90's. People consider the likes of Rhianna and Chris Brown as R&B, but their sound is more Pop/HipHop. Unfortunately, the real money isn't with true R&B artist such as Maxwell, Jill Scott, Lalah Hathway, and others. They should be more popular than these new artists because they are obviously more talented.
I Like It Baby - Sing 2 Me - LOVE TRUE BLUE.
It's funny I recently just created a "love" cd with some classic 90's tunes..."sending my love' by Zhane, "so into you" by Tamia, "Hopeless" by Dionne Ferris etc...beautiful (and extremely well written and well sung) love songs...and I thought about what Danielle discussed in this article..where has all the love gone in r&b?
it's a mess..but to defend someone like Christtee Michelle (sp)...I think she was kind of forced to do a "man done me wrong" cd to get more mainstream success...I think if she could just sing classic love songs..she would..her debut was much more raw and honest to me..the new cd she's just going by the numbers (but she does sound good doing it at least lol)...as opposed to some of these folks that are singing downright anti-love songs AND sounding horrible while doing it...(ie Rihanna's "Russian...)..
I am only 22 years old, but I agree with this post 100%. I am hoping that what black music has been going through for the past decade is only a phase, and one that is passing. you're right about everybody trying to be hard/diva, when in reality, most people cry and feel like everybody else when they're alone or think no one is watching.
I actually think that the internet will play a large role in the shift of music. even when i go on youtube to watch old music videos from the 90's/80's, there are plenty of people who leave comments sharing the same sentiments you've shared here- that they just don't make music the way they used to. I actually think record companies are sleeping on what it is people really want, if they were smart they would make an effort to change directions before it catches up with them.
What a lot of people don't know, (but I'm sure record companies know) is that country music has the LARGEST album sales compared to any genre of music, including pop. Unlike other genre's, country music has for the most part stuck to their roots, and while the musical stylings may have changed a little, they still continue to sing about love, heartache (country is the best source for songs about heartache) and God. Many people may feel like Taylor Swift didn't deserve all the accolades she's received, but at least she was smart enough to stick with topics that make people actually want to BUY your music, and not just bump it in the club.
If only black music in general could just return back to their roots.
**Standing up, slow clapping, and nodding** PREACH!
A lot of these artist today cannot write songs and if they could, they could not sing them. Most of today's R&B is like somebody just wrote a letter and made a few lines rhyme here and there. I blame R Kelly! There are a few singers who can still sing and seem to make real songs like Kelly Price, and Faith Evans and LAYLA HATHAWAY (If you don't have her cd with Joe Sample, please treat yourself!) Unfortunately they are not ghetto enough to appeal to the youngins, they want Mary J. who can carry a tune when she tries but that is not that often.
I don't listen to the radio that often, instead i have been making my own mixes from old cd's with folks like Intro, Mint Condition, Debarge, The Commodors, Chaka K. Prince, Marvin G. Loose Ends, Soul II Soul, The Brand New Heavies, Shanice, Tracey Spencer, the list goes on. So old it sounds new and never once does anyone say "Baby Momma" or "shake dat ass" except for prince. He gets a pass b/c he's a genius and CAN play like that sometimes.
Yup. I don't have cable to watch videos and I don't listen to the radio, but I have students who come in asking if I've heard the latest whatever. The titles alone let me know that it will likely turn me off.
Like others have already said, I am still jammin' to the OLD stuff and am quite content.
And Anthony Hamilton - YAAAAS. He (and quite a few others) does not get the recognition he deserves.
Well written post. There's definitely an edge in much R&B from women these days. That said, I don't blame women. It's rough out there. As you said, what has Beyonce got to be mad about? And your point about the supposed softness of male R&B singers is right on point. And really, there are lotttttts of men who know that the most gangsta dudes out there are those who are able and courageous enough to show a soft side. Yeah, the media might not popularize that idea, but what's that got to do with ish?
yup. I completely agree. I'm a huge music fan of many genres and from time to time I turn on the local R&B station just to hear what's new and I've noticed the trend as well. Black women singing tough and angry songs, the men singing about their prowess in bed. It's quite pathetic. Luckily I feed my 13-year-old a steady diet of the old masters (Luther, Marvin, Al Green etc.) so at least he has the knowledge of the soulful stuff. I think today's music lacks soul more than anything else.
Art imitates life. Always has and always will.
R&B and hip-hop music are barometers for what's currently happening in the African-American community. Its a sad state of affairs. Black women singing about what they've bought for black men and how they've cheated on them, black men singing and rapping about sleeping with this one or that one *SMDH*
Unfortunately it's what's selling, and many artist are content with just "going with the flow".
If it’s not old school R&B i don't listen to it.
THIS!! You hit the nail on the head so perfectly... I'm not even sure I have the words.
And as much as I want to defend the likes of Trey Songz ( the one who croons about "Inventing Sex") his entire album is mostly about the way that he can put it down in so many words. Not about the way that he can or would love you... there's probably one song on the album by old school producers (Brian Michael Cox & Johnta Austin of course) that talk about really loving a woman as opposed to sexing her.
I'm such a huge fan of R&B and soulful music that even though I knew a change had been made... I'm not sure I knew what the change was.
*applause*
Danielle you hit it on the head! I haven't loved R&B music in a long time. I used to love it. It was my barometer, and now it just leaves me cold. However, what this shift in R&B has done has opened me up to other types of music. Of course, I kept my old school on rotation, but I started listening to artists such as Feist and Sia also. However, even they didn't sate that need for great soul. Thank God Maxwell and Sade are back out.
Your post is perfect timing.
I am 63 and recently purchased a USB turntable. Pulled my old albums and 45s out of storage:
The Dells -- Always Together
Eugene Wilde -- Gotta Get You Home Tonight
Randy Brown -- The Next Best Thing to Being There
Damian and Denita -- I Really Want to See You Tonight
Michael Cooper -- My Baby's House
Howard Hewitt -- I Commit to Love
The Chicago Gangsters -- I Choose You
The Impressions -- Potent Love
Tyrone Davis -- Was I Just a Fool?
Rose Royce -- Wishing on a Star
Raydio -- That Old Song
They make me feel 25 again.