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Wednesday
Feb102010

WTF: John Mayer Gets Mad Creeptastical With Playboy Magazine

I get that it's a periodical dedicated to pornography and the proclivities of the heterosexual male. Totally understand that. But what shit was John Mayer ON when he gave this bizarre, narcissistic, misogynic, N-word dropping, TOO-MUCH-INFORMATION Q & A to Playboy?

For those who don't have time to read the whole thing ... here's the Cliff Notes version:

More after the jump.

On "entertaining" one self:

I’m a self-soother. The Internet, DVR, Netflix, Twitter—all these things are moments in time throughout your day when you’re able to soothe yourself. We have an autonomy of comfort and pleasure. By the way, pornography? It’s a new synaptic pathway. You wake up in the morning, open a thumbnail page, and it leads to a Pandora’s box of visuals. There have probably been days when I saw 300 vaginas before I got out of bed.

On "self-love:"

PLAYBOY: Masturbation for you is as good as sex?

MAYER: Absolutely, because during sex, I’m just going to run a filmstrip. I’m still masturbating. That’s what you do when you’re 30, 31, 32. This is my problem now: Rather than meet somebody new, I would rather go home and replay the amazing experiences I’ve already had.

PLAYBOY: You’d rather jerk off to an ex-girlfriend than meet someone new?

MAYER: Yeah. What that explains is that I’m more comfortable in my imagination than I am in actual human discovery. The best days of my life are when I’ve dreamed about a sexual encounter with someone I’ve already been with. When that happens, I cannot lay off myself.

On having a "hood pass:"

Someone asked me the other day, “What does it feel like now to have a hood pass?” And by the way, it’s sort of a contradiction in terms, because if you really had a hood pass, you could call it a nigger pass. Why are you pulling a punch and calling it a hood pass if you really have a hood pass? But I said, “I can’t really have a hood pass. I’ve never walked into a restaurant, asked for a table and been told, ‘We’re full.’"

On how he's kind of like a black person -- because he suffers sometimes:

What is being black? It’s making the most of your life, not taking a single moment for granted. Taking something that’s seen as a struggle and making it work for you, or you’ll die inside. Not to say that my struggle is like the collective struggle of black America. But maybe my struggle is similar to one black dude’s.

On how his penis feels about black women:

I don’t think I open myself to it. My dick is sort of like a white supremacist. I’ve got a Benetton heart and a fuckin’ David Duke cock. I’m going to start dating separately from my dick.

On the attractiveness of black women:

I always thought Holly Robinson Peete was gorgeous. Every white dude loved Hilary from The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air. And Kerry Washington. She’s superhot, and she’s also white-girl crazy. Kerry Washington would break your heart like a white girl. Just all of a sudden she’d be like, “Yeah, I sucked his dick. Whatever.” And you’d be like, “What? We weren’t talking about that.”

On Jessica Simpson:

MAYER: That girl, for me, is a drug. And drugs aren’t good for you if you do lots of them. Yeah, that girl is like crack cocaine to me.

PLAYBOY: You were addicted to Jessica Simpson?

MAYER: Sexually it was crazy. That’s all I’ll say. It was like napalm, sexual napalm.

PLAYBOY: But before you dated her you thought of yourself as the kind of guy who would never date Jessica Simpson.

MAYER: That’s correct. There are people in the world who have the power to change our values. Have you ever been with a girl who made you want to quit the rest of your life? Did youever say, “I want to quit my life and just fuckin’ snort you? If you charged me $10,000 to fuck you, I would start selling all my shit just to keep fucking you.”

On "whores:"

I feel like women are getting their comeuppance against men now. I hear about man-whores more than I hear about whores. When women are whorish, they’re owning their sexuality. When men are whorish, they’re disgusting beasts. I think they’re paying us back for a double standard that’s lasted for a hundred years.

Some quick observations:

1. Before we get our collective panties in a wad over his penis' disinterest in black women, let's remember that people are attracted to whatever they are attracted to. Mayer's mistake was he phrased it in the most ridiculous, assholey way possible. A lot of people will say, "I only find blah blah blah attractive." But, seriously, to compare your penis to David Duke? David Duke wants to either string me up a tree or send me back to the fields. I didn't know your dick belonged to the Klan. NOT FUNNY. The Klan is NEVER FUNNY. They KILL PEOPLE. So unless John's penis is a murderous racist, that was a case of him trying waaaay to hard to be clever. Just say, "I find some black women attractive, but I've never seriously dated any." HOW HARD IS THAT? But nooooo. You had to inject Dicky McKlansman into the conversation.

2. My GOD, does he hate women. I mean, really. Why would you talk about women in this manner? Again. Perfectly understandable to be all "I luvs da pussy" when talking to a porno mag geared towards straight men, but what was up with going on and on about masturbation and how he actually PREFERS it to sex with a woman? Most men jacking off to Playboy are doing it as a substitute for actual sex with human beings. While I'm sure there are men who prefer masturbation to sex, I'm going to go out on a limb as say those mfers are in the minority. Given a choice between actually getting laid and just staring at a photo of a va-jay-jay, 9-out-of-10 would go for getting laid.

3. Also, what was up with all the yakking about Jessica Simpson and "Privacy Queen" Jennifer Aniston? What happened to NOT kissing/fucking-and-telling? Throughout the interview he talks about the paparazzi and loving Jen so much that he wants to respect her privacy, yet he talks about her throughout the interview?

4. While I realize that there will always be some women who will date Mayer despite this crazy ass, self-love obsessed, questionable interview, don't expect the rest of us to feel sorry for you when he gets all skevy on your ass. He pretty much spells it out in this interview that he's 32 (which is really more like 12) and that he would rather masturbate to a photo of Jessica Simpson in mom jeans that meet your parents. So YOU'VE BEEN WARNED!

5. Who gave John Mayer this thing called a "hood pass?" Dave Chappelle? I don't remember us having a vote. It's not like the dude is Robin Thicke or Robert DeNiro. Of course if you HAVE such a thing as any sort of "pass" with black people you would never actually SAY you have a pass. Black people LOVE them some Bobby DeNiro but Bobby DeNiro isn't dropping the N-word in casual-fucking-conversation. Even Justin Timberlake, who is kind of always on this love you/hate you bubble with black people has enough sense not to ever say he's got a pass of any kind no matter how far Timberland is crawled up his ass.

6. If you see Kerry Washington and her crew in the club and they KNIFE YO ASS, don't be surprised. If I was Kerry I would be all kinds of "Get my name out of your mouth, son." And she's "white girl crazy?" What does that even MEAN!

Conclusion: John Mayer had to be high because I read that WHOLE INTERVIEW and he sounded like he was suffering from a severe lack of an internal editor. It's no excuse, but he should probably try it anyway just in case Rev. Al shows up wanting some kind of apology.

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Reader Comments (82)

Yes John Mayer definitely went way over the line in this interview. There was no reason for the n-word to come out of his mouth; also if you're not a racist why would you compare any part of yourself to David Duke or the Klan or any other racist person/organization???? And if I was Kerry Washington, my lawyer and I would be demanding a public apology for the digusting misogynistic sh!t he said.

February 10, 2010 | Unregistered Commentersasha

Damn! That's all I have to say about that!

No but really, I get your point Danielle that he must have been smoking, snorting, and shooting up every illegal drug out there before this interview. But I've heard him doing an interview on this syndicated morning show, and I think he's very sarcastic. I'm willing to bet he answered none of these questions with 100% truth. Do I think he took the sarcasm too far? Yes. But I really don't take offense to what he's saying because I think he was giving jack ass answers on purpose.

And in some weird way, I kind of understand he logic about the "hood pass". What I interpret him saying is if he really had a "hood pass" he would be able to say hood words such as the n-word.

February 10, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterHonee Bee

Stupid + witty = fail. Every time

Just because you say it sarcastically/ironically/with a smirk doesn't make it less offensive.

February 10, 2010 | Unregistered Commentermycolina

HI hEF!

February 10, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterEXOTIC BEAUTY

That's the most bizarre interview I've ever read. It's just weird. I'm not even concerned about whether he or his penis are racist; it's just super weird and inappropriate to kiss and tell and generally talk about people you've dated the way he did. Who would want to ever date this "man"?

February 10, 2010 | Unregistered Commenterdkan71

Let's be done with this dime-store neo Barry Manilow gimmick once and for all.

February 10, 2010 | Unregistered Commentersnobfanforeal'

I never liked John Mayer. He isn't even that good of a guitar player...he is NO Hendrix, Buddy Guy, BB King, Eric Clapton, Stevie Ray Vaughn, Chuck Berry or Prince. HE IS VERY MEDIOCRE AT BEST. His bubble gum pop songs are annoying. He never eva eva had a "hood pass" and which ever of this "black friends" that told him this should be ashamed.

He looks like he's taking a shit while he's playing the guitar.

Kerry Washington's reps need to demand an apology from this douchebag. He had no business even bringing her name into this mess.

February 10, 2010 | Unregistered Commentersarah

who would've thought he was this stupid?

February 10, 2010 | Unregistered Commenterthelady

Why did the interviewer ask whether black women throw themselves at him? I found the question odd. And a little racist.

February 10, 2010 | Unregistered Commenterreally?

Why would black women throw themselves at him? I think that is the real question.

February 10, 2010 | Unregistered Commenteranonymous

Wow! I don’t know where to start. I’ve always been a casual fan of his music, but not his pretentious ‘too cool for school’ attitude. Dude dropped the N-word, disrespected his ex, and mentioned David Duke all in one interview, he’s on something. Are we being punked?

February 10, 2010 | Unregistered Commenterconni3

And to think that Jennifer Aniston was (or still is) in love with this creep. Thanks, John, you just made all of us males look good compared to you.

February 10, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterDavid Wise

More evidence we are all very lucky celebrities date mostly other celebrities.

They all deserve each other. Development arrested at puberty is clearly a requirement.

February 10, 2010 | Registered CommenterAabaakawad

HE'S NOT TOO FAR OFF FROM WHAT IS CALLED HIP HOP TODAY.

February 10, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterSWIV

As I don't listen to hip hop, and hip hop is not part of this conversation, I don't care. Based on information I actually have here in front of me, within the confines of the topic at hand, Mayer's an ass.

(Also you don't get a "black pass" if your penis is a Klansman. Why would you WANT one if you dislike half the people in question? What kind of ridiculous logic is that?)

Why does this guy have any connection to the black community at all? Why did it even come up? Who thought up these weirdo interview questions for him?

Man, I'm out of the loop. I am not annoyed so much as baffled.

February 10, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterMac

AND SOME OF THAT STUFF IS HILARIOUS. PARTICULARLY THE THING ABOUT PORN.

LMAO!

February 10, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterSWIV

PEOPLE NEED TO BE MORE CONCERNED WITH THE PEOPLE WHO ARE GIVING HIM THE "HOOD PASS" AS OPPOSED TO HIM ACTUALLY HAVING IT.

February 10, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterSWIV

This interview made no sense. If he did have a pass, it just expired.

February 10, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterTins

Wonderful insight! and see, it's names like "Dicky McKlansman" that keeps me plugged into your writing. Good Job, as usual

February 10, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterWise Diva

Nice article.
Everything's on point!
He sounded stupid as hell


Dumb ass!

*is unfollowing as we speak*

February 10, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterLaDonna

Black folk really need to stop with this black pass crap. Apparently white folk are taking that isht seriously.

February 10, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterRoslyn Holcomb

actually Timberwack did comment on his "ghetto" pass back in the day, which killed it for me (before nipplegate).

otherwise, dead on!

i'm going to use Dicky McKlansmen in our twitter stream, LOL

February 10, 2010 | Unregistered Commenterbrownstocking

OMG, John Mayer doesn't like black chicks. I think I'll slit my wrists.

February 10, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterMonica

Yes, I keep coming back to that pass BS. Who does that? And why do Black musicians (I think in this case) devalue the "hood" so much?

February 10, 2010 | Unregistered Commenterbrownstocking

Oh, one more thing. Kerry Washington is off my hot girl list. Yuck!

February 10, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterDavid Wise
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