Signs of Desperate Times: Essence's Strip Club Hook-Up (Guest Post)
Saturday, May 23, 2009 at 10:45AM 
Essence suggested a lot of places to meet menfolk in their latest issue, but the strip club is one doozy that threw Lola for a loop.
By Lola Gets
There was a piece in the June edition of Essence Magazine titled, "10 Places to Find Black Men. Of course," the usual tired suggestions came out: children’s sporting activities, volunteering, hanging out at a bookstore, etc. But there was one very intriguing suggestion that Id like to get you readers’ opinion of: strip clubs.
Yes, Essence Magazine suggested that single women everywhere head to their local strip club to try to meet men.
More after the jump.
Hm. Interesting, no?
Now, I’ve been to several strip clubs in my day, mostly in the DC metro area, and I gotta tell ya, I’ve never really wanted to meet any of the other attendees. And, to be honest, I never thought they wanted to meet me either. To me, a man – or men – at a strip club are there for their own special reasons: to get fodder for their fantasies so they can get themselves off later; to get themselves revved up for sexual activities with their female partner waiting at home; hanging out with the fellas in celebration of any number of things (bachelor party, graduations, birthdays, passing finals, etc).
In other words, they’re not even thinking of meeting my ass.
But maybe that’s just at the clubs I’ve attended before. Maybe there are nicer, more upscale joints where there is more mingling amongst the attendees. Just maybe.
So what do you readers think? Are strip clubs good places for meeting that “special someone?” Women: would you approach a man at a strip club? Men: how would you feel if a woman approached you at a strip club?
Okay? Discuss.
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Lola Gets is the author of the blog, Whatever Lola Wants, and is based out of Washington, D.C. You can read her follow up to this post, "Lola At the Penthouse," on her blog.
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Reader Comments (45)
Umm Essence is the devil. Reading this makes me thank God I am not single. Cause if I had to meet a man at the strip club.... it would never happen.
@ Adeshola
I just can't see any man being interested in being hit on in a strip club unless it's by the woman taking her clothes off, and even then, not everyone wants to throw down with the stripper. It just seems INSANE. And I think it would make you look desperate and creepy. I know people say times are hard but times will NEVER be that hard for me.
Never.
Ever, never, ever. I will die alone.
I haven't picked up an Essence in years. Same goes for the other lame mag, Ebony. And don't get me started on Jet. It's not so much that Essence suggests strip clubs, but all these mags are written for a "basic" reading level.
I'm trying to imagine how one would explain that "how we met" story.
I guess none of you women have spent any time in Atlanta. Women hanging out in the strip clubs is a very common thing down there. Magic City and Strokers (on Lean) are two of the more popular ones.
Oh, no we don't get to blame that on Atlanta. I've lived here for years and I have never darkened the door of a strip club. There is just a certain level of respect that has to exist in a potential relationship that cannot be formed when you meet at the strip joint. And I'm really not sure the type of man I'm looking for is going to be consistently at the strip club. It would have to be a lightning strike situation!
@katenyc I totally agree about the general dumbing down of the black press. I still follow Essence on Twitter, but that's about it.
eg: It's not the "hanging out at the nudie bar" idea that is weird; it's the idea of going out to the nudie bar TO HIT ON DUDES. Like Lola says, I wouldn't think the guys were there in the hopes to pick up (non-stripper) girls, especially not in the way Essence, the "Guuurl You Betta Find You A Man Ta Marry Up" mag, would expect its readers to want to be picked up (as potential girlfriends, not one night stands).
Is Essence morphing into Cosmopolitan?
oh I just read the headline: "10 Places to Find Black Men"-Why not just 10 places to find a man, PERIOD?! But I guess Essence has to save that for their next annual Should you get your vanilla swerve on? article.
And no man of any color wants to meet a woman in a strip club, unless he's into some mess as mentioned in previous posts. I wonder if this gem was listed right after the Meet a Brotha in Church! suggestion. That's where some of the freakiest ones hang out, btw.
I agree with you danielle. Would you even be checking for the dude at the strip club?
This is not the worst suggestion in the world. For some people the strip club is not really different from going to a regular disco. You go there, have a few drinks, and vibe.
if this is where I'd have to go to find a man, then it's never gonna happen for me.
Essence's Editors should be slapped for even suggesting it.
Where is Susan Taylor when you need her? Essence is becoming like everything else in this country because popular culture sells. Let us remember that Essence is also owned by Time Warner and if you've been a subscriber for over 20 years, you'll see that their content has really changed into a celebrity and gossip based magazine and web site. Desperation is a big seller. Too bad I'm not buying!
Can't even remember the last time I picked up an Essence. I never cared for it anyways. A strip club?!
Essence telling women to go to strip clubs to meet men is like me telling women to go to sex clubs to meet men. "Think about it: theyre there, theyre inhibitions are down, and you know theyre definitely looking for some action...its a great place to meet a new guy!"
Dont get me wrong, I know of many happily married couples who have met at sex clubs, but Id never suggest to anyone that they go trolling for men in 'the Lifestyle."
L
Essence sucks at life. They have really hit the bottom to suggest that Black women have to go to strip clubs to find a man.
I havent read Essence in years, because I got tired of every month reading the same tips to repair my credit, buy a house, and get a man. There is SO much more that Black women are interested in, but the editors at Essence dont seem to know that.
The same way it's not a good idea to meet your future husband at a regular club (rate of success very low), I cannot imagine that rolling up on a dude as he's sticking ones into the g-string of a gyrating stripper is the way to go. Has anyone (including Essence) heard of a successful meet and marry story from the strip club?
Who is green-lighting articles at Essence? Who is the editor that read that and said, "Oh yeah - that's brilliant. Print it up!" Lord help us.
Co-signing with all the above, not gonna happen. Then again, I wasn't up in Barnes & Noble with the pencil skirt and stilettos either ;-)
Sometimes a perfectly normal and sexy woman wants to take her boyfriend to a strip joint. I'm not saying I know any of these women, mind you. But they like to tip and watch the girls too. Again, I don't know any of these types of women, right now personally.
Has anyone ever heard of Diamonds in Miami? It is a strip club about the size of a Costco where you can not only see strippers 'twirkin' that thang' but you can also get your hair cut and play basketball. I hear there's a stripper who will take your money on the court butt naked with six inch heels on.
All I'm saying is times a changin; these ain't ya daddy's strip clubs.
The idea a woman can find a man in a strip club (black or otherwise) is as misinformed as the idea that women should watch porn with their men.
There are some things men do that have nothing to do with women. Going to strip clubs is one of them. One of the good things about strip clubs is, outside those on the clock, there are very few women. Men can look at scantily clad women with no fear of derision (as long as the singles keep flowing), or watch the game without interruption, or hang with his boys.
If the argument is finding men at their most charged up sexually (I haven't read the article as I am not in search of a black man), women would be better served to find out what diner said men are going to after the club closes.
I stumbled across this article as I was getting my pedi this morning, and I was just as taken back. I was a subscriber of Essence in high school (15 years ago...wow has it been that long?!) and was somewhat inspired by the magazine to major in magazine journalism. Essence at one time was a trailblazer--delving into women of color issues that mainstream magazines didn't, featuring black women in all sizes, shades and walks of life, offering Taylor's encouraging "In The Spirit" commentary that tapped into our culture's tendency to draw closer to God or religious institutions during our political, social or economic struggles. But articles and tips such as these remind me why I've departed from the trail long ago. Essence doesn't seem to push the envelope.
Remember a couple of years ago when the magazine decided to devote a couple of issues to the rump-shakin, video vixens and take a closer inspection of hip hop? The problem was, the writers and editors seemed so scared to offend or abandon readers who loved hip hop that they didn't dig deep enough and the articles wound up having very little poignancy. Issue after issue the topic felt like the pendulum kept swinging and we (or at least I) were all left suspended in terms of what the next step should be. They managed to interview Lil' Kim, but not someone with a very opposing view. I can't remember what exactly emerged from the exploration of video vixens, and I don't think I'm alone.
I understand that as a business, they need to thrive. But there should always be a delicate balance of what will sell and how to inform, and that balance shouldn't compromise reporting. But Essence seems to have thrown fine journalism out of the window for a while now. I rarely buy the magazine, and at times I feel guilty about it. But I don't feel like it sets itself apart from other celebrity and sex driven magazines. Oh yeah, and I did peep that the article was titled, "10 ways to find a black man." I suppose that was because they wanted to cater to black women's die-hard devotion to black men. Did they think that not including the word "black" would result in stacks of hate mail? Geez... guess they'll keep preaching to the masses and never dare them to question or think critically. At least we have blogs like these :)
To each her own. If a woman can see herself with a boyfriend/fiance/husband who goes to strip clubs on occasion, then there should be no problem meeting a man at a strip club. Just like 10,000 other places, normal, well-adjusted, professional, nice, charming, smart men can be found at such establishments from time to time. If you would never dare set foot in a strip club, then obviously that is not an option for you. You should never go somewhere where you would feel uncomfortable. I met my husband at a night club (not a strip club, just a regular night club) and people were hemming and hawing about that. People made comments about how you can never have a serious relationship with a man you meet a club because it's such a " sexually charged" environment and he's only looking for one thing. Puh-lease! In reality, my husband was a nice guy at a club hanging out with friends, just like I was a nice lady at a club hanging out with friends. If you think you are the only decent person at any location, that is place you should never go to again.
As a single black woman, I was intrigued by the article. I laugh at the "stripper club" suggestions because I really don't want to meet my soul mate who rather look at a naked woman than a full clothed one who has more to offer. Most of the suggestion were of desperation. I go to to the Menards and Home Depo...not a brother in site. Granted they are there but not in my neck of the woods. I would rather them so a section of the hottest stop close to you to find someone to coneect with: at a gallery opening, a book signing, or a social event. Essence needs feedback on what the readers are interested in. It is not a bad publication, it just need a little guidance on what the modern day black woman wants beside "Where to find a Black man". Hell, I might be interested in getting a Vanilla swirl.
Sad...no wonder more black sister's are single than any other group of women. First they need to stop reading Essence it's a joke and next they need to stop hoping that their prince in shining armor will be a brother.
So many brothers have decided black women are a dime a dozen. IMO if you need to meet up with a man SOOOOOOOOOOO BADDDDDDDD!!!!!!!!! that you actually consider going to a titty bar you better not think any man will take you serious, ever.