Not-So-Secret Negroes and Things About Being Black You Hate
Yes! They're back! By a LANDSLIDE!
Honestly, I stopped doing "Incognegro" because I got tired of being accused of being some colorist despite the fact that it seems all black people are fascinated to some degree with it. Oh well. I have a mandate now! Fifty-four percent. So either we all hate ourselves, or we enjoy going "OMG! I had no idea Carly Simon had some black in her! But look at that hair!" Yes. It is back.
WENWORTH MILLER AND RASHIDA JONES STORIES FOR ALL!!!!
(More after the jump)
I can't believe you didn't want Glitter back. No sparky ponies for you!Also, I get the impression you want to vent about your limits to blackness. (By 20 percent) I knew blackness was going through a rough patch when the "Blackest" of the Snob sisters was having a hard time relating to black people. Not BABY SNOB! She even still kind of listens to rap! Nooooooo! For the uninitiated, "Limits" is about voicing something, even a taboo about blackness that you hate, hate, hate putting up with and will do anything to avoid.
I won't wear traditional West African dresses because .... I don't know. I was born in the west and shit and I like blue jeans. My oldest sister thinks black music past 1990 sucks and listens only to Christian rock, some country and Metallica. And while I understand why people like Kwanza, I draw the line at me actually celebrating it. Sounds too much like how I spent every summer of my childhood with those Kunjufu books. Christmas, after all, is an international holiday not based on any race. I can't help it if some folks here think they own the damn thing. Last time I checked Jesus was a Middle Eastern Jew.
The other three items are making it back by the slimmest of margins. So slim, I had to almost pick them myself. There will be a father's day series (I'm bracing myself for constant waterworks now), like the mother's series last year. We will continue to chronicle whatever Kanye West is wearing, because I too find it hilarious (and interesting). And DOOMED ROMANCE makes it in with five piddly votes.
This time, Doomed Romance will be a regular feature as I already have one in the hopper from a reader who found the series late and felt compelled to write. I'll let you know when the deadlines are for Fathers and Doomed Romance II: Deader Than Ever.
That said, please use the comments to shout out actual and "suspect" incognegroes, odd pictures of Kanye in neat outfits and shit that annoys you about being black that you think I should write about!
Ciao!
doomed romance, incognegro, limits, race, the snob 
Reader Comments (54)
Having to exude my swagger in order to fit the mold of a "black male"...
if The Wentworth is involved, I am there. That is all.
Love the new and improved features...and Rashida Jones is so weirdly incognegro. Everybody knows her daddy is Quincy Jones, but she looks like he barely made a genetic drive-by.
I saw the movie "I Love You, Man" and she was the main character's (Paul Rudd) fiance and at no point did they even hint at her negritude. At the rehearsal dinner for the wedding, her family was conspicuously absent...no mama, no daddy, no cousin, no kinda relations at all, mixed or otherwise.
There was a decent smattering of black people and some mixed couples in the wedding scene, but otherwise it was like being gay in the military - don't ask, don't tell. Funny movie though.
being expected to have blind love and faith in your president obama even as a black person living in europe..
there.. said it...
I hate when other black people assume I've never experienced racism because I'm light skinned.
I hate only being described as a color by other black people ("that high yellow girl", etc).
I hate when my non-black friends treat me as the ambassador of blackness and make me feel like I'm representing all black people.
I hate the homophobia entrenched in the black community, and I hate that black people assume that I'm gay because I have gay friends.
I hate that other black women assume I'm single because I'm waiting for a black man when I've never even dated one.
I could go on and on, but the list would just get more depressing.
@ dkan71: Thank you for pointing that out. My boyfriend and I spent 15 minutes trying to determine if the fiance had a bit of color in her(not sure if black, hispanic, etc). She's a pretty woman. I'm glad someone else is able to confirm our suspicions. The movie was funny, though.
@justelise: Don't forget "redbone". Sick of hearing it. What does that mean anyway???
Also, can we stop treating sisters who date outside their race like an endangered species? The African-American population will not go the way of the dodo just because they didn't pick a chocolate brother. Trust me. I have three friends who just gave birth to happy, healthy black babies. It's gonna be okay folks. Black love is a beautiful thing but it's not the ONLY thing. sheesh. /rant
@Marci
Isn't it ashamed how blacks are accused of having blind faith in Pres. Obama when whites obviously had blind faith in all their leaders and was never called on it! (SMH) I feel you. Blacks are discerning voters, that's why we knew not to choose Hillary.
Number One: The complete overuse of the word "swagger"
Number Two: Why older black relatives or older black whoevers don't understand natural hair and think it is a disgrace to the entire race.
Number Three:Have to agree with the homophobia thing... where did saying "no homo" come from anyway? and Why do people still think its okay if they say "no Ellen" or "no Elton" or "no *insert known gay person here*"
@NKaran I totally agree about the hair thing. I personally find it difficult to let my hair grow out natural partially because I would have to deal with how my parents would react. I guess hair is a touchy subject with women in general, but multiply it by the fact that I'm biracial, and I already get attitude at your average black salon. I think I'm a bit scarred.
I just wanted to add something else to the list: I hate that black men never talk to me like I'm an educated, grown, capable woman. I don't respond to being "holla'd at" and when I don't respond, the guy automatically tells me that I think I'm better than him, think I'm white, etc.
Perhaps someone mentioned this- weren't the polling results skewed? It got 53% because it was the first thing on the list, right? We were only allowed to vote for one thing? I'm confused.
@ Ezpraz
The poll was imperfect, but Incognegro was one of my most popular non-Obama based features outside of black conservatives and doomed romance. I mean, you can read the old ones. People STILL comment on the old site and search them out like fiends. But I will do a second poll because the other choices came out odd. I'll see if I can fix the software and get it up today.
I hate that there are so many Black males over the age of 12 who believe it's their birthright to verbally harass Black women out in public. I have had some of the most vile comments made to me by fools who thought they were being flattering, and when I don't respond I become all kindsa bitches. Tired of that shit, and in all honesty these instances make me sometimes less than sympathetic when the latest racially profiled BM story comes along (of course, depending on the circumstances).
I hate that so many Black children are filled with rage and self hatred: that a sweet natured, sensitive shy young boy would hang himself (just a few feet away from his devoted mother) because a bunch of little thugs and thugettes were not used to seeing a disciplined child. I hate that those little bastards and the people who spawned them will never realize the extent of their actions because they are too busy adhering to the ugliest stereotypes about us.
@ All
I love how this has become the "therapy" thread. I thought that would happen with the first "Limits of Blackness" entry, but ... do it here too! If there's hate in your heart LET IT OUT! You don't have to take this shyte anymore!
I loved Incognegro. Go for it.
Yes, let us write about "What do I hate about being black?"
My number one hate: when dysfunctional black people think I am supposed to accept their bad behavior because we have the same ethnic background. I.e., drunks, panhandlers, subway drummers (don't we have enough noise in NYC?), trifling men with no jobs who hit on me because they are looking for someone to take care of them, women who scream and slap and otherwise treat their children like beasts, chronic latecomers, chronic broke-ass people, chronic victims, and people who otherwise don't take care of or take responsiblity for themselves, acting like there is something wrong with ME, because I cannot deal with that mess. My family treated me like this. THEM: "You're a whitey lover! You'd rather hang out with your white friends than us!" ME: "Actually, no--I'd rather hang out with my friends, regardless of race, who aren't nut jobs."
And I hate, hate, hate that because I am a black woman I am supposed to be a single mother. "No I don't have any kids." "WHY?" "Because I'm not married you stupid ass; when I have children it will be with two parents who are MARRIED, thank you very much."
Thanks for letting me rant, Snob!
shit that annoys you about being black...
1. I hate being considered a "hater" because I find the so-called urban/street/hip-hop poorly written and even more poorly edited, and that our urban youth should be exposed to something wider than what they see every day.
2. I don't think Obama Fried Chicken thing is all that bad considering. We have a black man as president and a black man is the leader of the free world, so fuck what those below him say about him.
3. I don't like it when we support people just because they are black, and I hate the use of "well, the system was built against him" excuse. Forget the system, just know right from wrong. I'm looking right at you R.Kelly.
4. I don't support randomly killing police officers because you're upset at police officers randomly killing or using excessive force on black suspects. It's an eye for an eye theory that will not get a happy ending.
5. I hate the phrase African-American. White people stumble around the phrase; black people stumble around the phrase. That is a long phrase. I like Black. Sure it is vague and not entirely accurate but we all know what it means.
6. I hate that folks think everything is "racial." Sometimes it's socio-economic.
I would love to read/talk about in general expectations about how black folks are supposed to look/dress. I am SICK of getting looked at funny by other black people because I have on converse and skinny jeans.
Also, I can't stand the idea that I should not want to/be able to speak properly. I love my grammar skills.
Don't Hate!!! (j/k, j/k!!!)
I remember Quincy Jones when he met, dated and eventually married Peggy Lipton of "Mod Squad" fame. I saw pictures of his children when they were young, but lost track of them after his divorce years later. I didn't know who Rashida was till today (thanks dkan71), and all I can say is that she doesn't look at all like her daddy. Regarding her recent movie role, it's a shame that biracials are blended in and treated as if they were full-bloodied caucasians when it comes to Hollywood scripts. Why can't they instead have a storyplot that explains their mixed race background? This shouldn't be a taboo any longer.
my suggestions for people to profile for the icognegro series:
mariah carey
jessica zhor (gossip girl tv show)
christal khalil (young and the restless)
jennifer beals
Things that annoy me about being a black Person/Woman
1. Other black women who have skank attitudes and do not want to support each other,
2. Black greed, black PEOPLE do not give. I know that sounds ultra-stereotyping but it seems to be true.
3. White girlfriends who assume that all the men I am interested in are black..first question "Ooh is he black."
UGH. I do not ask them "Is he white." Dang. I am thru.
4. The race baiting
5. Im so thru.
It is tiring to be black and woman. I have to just clear my mind sometimes because things could just drive me crazy if I dwell on them. The most issues I have with being black comes from the black community. Surprising, huh?
Oh and black men who think their ish don't stank. bye.
Another thing is why are these people being called ingognegroes? SMH. I may be overreacting and sensitive but Mariah Carey is in no way form or fashion a negroe. That Wentforth guy looks so white. They don't have to face the discrimination of negroes who look like negroes(black), so why even call them negroes, they are white. Bye.
@ brooklynshoebabe. Girl 100 percent co-sign. I hate this business of justifying the wrong of blacks (black men) in general from the black community just because we feel oppressed. Well killing police officers( and if you are talking about the same guy Im talking about, who happens to have also been a rapist) has no justification. SMHxxxx10000000000000.
@ NAGROM
Actually, light skinned people, even those who look white have faced plenty racial discrimination in the United States. Looking white has rarely spared you from racism historically and even today, if you choose to embrace your full heritage you will face some form o drama.
I'd suggest you'd start with the story of Homer Plessy, the man who's fight for equality lead to Jim Crow. Then work your way to the history of the NAACP (filled with "white" looking black people), the first black supreme court justice Thurgood Marshall and his story of being denied well ... everything and joining the fight of the Civil Right's Movement.
You have to be careful by what you perceive as an "easy" life. I have "white" looking relatives and white racists truly do not care about colorism in America. There is no such thing as preferences other than lighter ones looked nicer as maids and prostitutes. If that's a "plus" that's a pretty shitty plus. The minute anyone decides to embrace their black heritage they open themselves up for discrimination because black in America has never been about looks.
The other side of this is THIS scenario:
We have this gentleman, a local politician, Mike McMillian, who looks "white," but he has been raised in the black community, considers himself black, has black relatives, a black mother and black friends. Should he walk away from those he loves and "pass?" Should he give up everything that makes him who he is for that "easier" life?
This even goes back to my family. Should my great, great aunt Josephine have let them lynch her much darker husband when they assumed he'd moved to town with a "white" wife? Should she have walked away from her black family, many relatives darker that she loved?
My point is ... Mariah Carey has as much claim to blackness as Harold Ford Jr. based on the history of America. (We're all mixed. We all have some form of white or Native blood in us, etc.) She doesn't get treated much better than Beyonce at the end of the day, other than Mariah's mother is white (just like the president's). She can't help that she turned out more pale, but we don't have a color caste based system like in the Dominican Republic or Brazil. You either have some black blood or you don't. It's an archaic rule by some standards and the term "incognegro" is a joke term, not anything serious. But I do take it serious the notion that Mariah can't claim her black ancestry. It is OBVIOUS Mariah feels in tune with this side of herself and was always more comfortable there. (The first, squeaky clean half of her career seemed to be Cinderella packaging.)
She's married to a black man. Her father is a black man. Her sister is half black. She grew up around black people. Has black friends. Lives in black culture. Has in the past, dated other blacks and biracial people with black ancestry and engages in a musical style indicative and created by black culture.
So, we're going to have to disagree about this. Black people of all colors have bled and died for the rights of people of color in this country. Black people as white as white people have stayed with their families, their BLACK families and chosen to fight and die with them over passing. And I've NEVER heard a story of passing that was pleasant or happy. All, from "The Human Stain" to "The Autobiography of An Ex-Coloured Negro" as well as the parody film "The Confederate States of America" are about the pain of this decision to some degree.
And I honestly LIKE that the US isn't like DR or Brazil where you have "caramel" versus" brown" versus "negra" versus "blanca." To me, that's madness. I prefer a world where you have both Lena Horne and Pearl Bailey fighting on the same team than Lena and Pearl fighting each other.
Shit got done a lot faster that way.
Well, as White Dad I guess I could say that, when it comes to my bi-racial children, it does seem a little different to think I DON'T COUNT.
Wonder why I've bothered to raise them by myself, pay all their bills, go to all those school functions, love them more than myself ...
This is my first time posting although I have been reading for a little while. Luv your insight,black snob. Today I felt compelled to add my 2 cents. Here are things that annoy me about being black/black woman:
-White coworkers who are shocked when they find out I have my own home. Actually I have bought 2 homes as have many of my girlfriends but they think we really don't have much.
-Black people who automatically think that this dark skinned sista's long hair is a weave. It is not & when they find out that this is my natural hair the next question is...Do you have some Indian in you? LOL. UGHHHHH!!!!!!
-Black men in Atlanta who truly believe that the ratio here is 100 to 1 so we should be grateful for them no matter how unattractive/boring/egotistical etc that they are. They are always surprised to find out that I date regularly & have the "gift of goodbye". If you are not quality, I am outta there! Next...
-White coworkers who assume that all black people live in the same community despite how large the Atlanta metropolitan area is. I wish I had a dollar everytime a black coworker was late or absent, and a white coworker asked me where that person was as if I lived next door to them. It doesn't matter if I am friends or not with the black person. It is just assumed that I know their whereabouts because we are all "live" in the same area. Yeah right..