Tiger Has A Big Ego. Can’t Stand His Big Ego. But I Love How He Plays Golf.
He walks like this because he can back it up.
Tiger Woods will survive.
Seriously. This will be a blip in the trophy case at the end of the day as long as he stays focused, never says too much, or when he does speak, says all the right things. As long as the wife keeps quiet and everyone stays all Ninja like on everything. As long as there’s no “there there” he will be fine. Please ignore the Jazmine Sullivan style window busting. Just another day in golfer’s paradise. No worries.
I make no secret that I love Tiger Woods – the golfer. Tiger Woods the human being, I do not know. But when it comes to golf, he’s my man. I’ve followed him since 1996. I’ve loved him since 1996 and as the daughter of a sports fanatic he’s been fun to watch. But I’m a pragmatist at heart and I’m shocked, SHOCKED, by all these people who are shocked because the Tiger might have been sinking his balls into someone else’s hole. Mostly because I’m like, didn’t we see this coming?
I remember reading the Esquire interview with Woods in 1997 where he made a bunch of “black man dick so big” jokes and joshed around with hot blondes. I remember the PARADE of hot fembots he dated over the years until he finally settled down with Elin in 2004. And I can’t believe anyone who watched the parade of plastic boobs and former fashion models would be surprised that Tiger didn’t give up his love of female attention just because he wife n’ kidded up some Sweddish dame. She was the trophy, you see? The dime piece. The store front. Nobody said nothing about kicking the hoochies out of the back room.
What’s HILARIOUS to me is how delightfully trashy the bitties coming out of the woodworks are. We aren’t talking dimepeices. Hell, we aren’t even talking nickels. It’s just wave after wave of the Silicone Sallies of Sexting. Instead of saving infamous semen stained dresses, they hold on to digital Valentines of late night booty call dreams. They are all, by and large, interchangeable and available and more than happy to play the game – and cash in – now that the gig is up.
I love Tiger Woods, but you’ve got to think … how big could that ego be? Seriously. This isn’t a Michael Jackson situation, where Earl Woods beat the living shit out of his son and made him feel inferior while living off of his celebrity. This is the story of the Golden Child that could do no wrong, who had gifts that needed to be celebrated and cultured. Tiger’s parents built their worlds around him and his gifts. Other people, other half-siblings were immaterial. This was about ushering in the chosen one. Preparing him for the ascension to the throne of Jack Nicholas.
And after his parents sacrificed and labored for him, the world opened up and did the same. The PGA lives and dies by how Tiger is playing. The networks live and die by whether or not he is winning. Nike lives and dies by whether or not he is selling. He is unequivocally and for all intensive purposes – the man. And you get the fuck out of the man’s way. And if the man wants to drown himself in fake tittles and champagne and Vegas poker chips the man WILL HAVE his fake titties and champagne and Vegas poker chips because this is Tiger, Tiger Woods Ya’ll! Tiger Woods, ya’ll! Not Phil Mickleson or some other aspirant who will never, ever be THE MAN. The Man came. The man saw. The man married his trophy wife and wanted to have his hookers too and no one said “boo.” That is how the world rolls and if you are surprised you are terribly naive, but the man that built Tiger Woods (that would be Papa Earl) and the team behind him (that would be his management) wanted it that way. They wanted you to believe the myth of a loveable, smart, nerdy guy who just happened to be the best at something, better at something, than anyone else in the world. They wanted you to believe that you could have that kind of money, that kind of power and still be the humble boy next door who just met the Swedish former nanny/fashion model of his dreams.
It was kismet! It was fate! It was real! But he was human and he did human things and exchanged humanly body fluids with other humanly people who weren’t the wife. And we don’t know what happened that night the windows got busted out, but we do know that hookers like to get paid like the Tiger likes to get laid. This ain’t over.
But I wouldn’t worry.
Michael Jordan couldn’t keep it in the pants. His wife eventually left him. He’s fine. Magic Johnson couldn’t keep it in the pants, contracted HIV, married his long-suffering girlfriend. He’s fine too. R. Kelly PEED on somebody. Also fine. People are amazingly forgiving of celebrities. Especially those with penises. Especially those worth nearly a billion dollars in endorsements and still have years of playing time left in them. Most of golf’s fans are men. The golf reporters who live and die by having access to Woods want this mess to go away (lest they piss off THE MAN by being forced to report on it). It’s going to fucking die … eventually.
For now he’ll just have to let it burn like gonorrhea. But this too shall pass.
Tiger Woods, celebrities, golf, relationships, sports 
Reader Comments (55)
I agree 100% with you Danielle. I don't know why people are so surprised Tiger Woods cheated on his wife with whores. He's a super-professional athlete and he's fine as hell. I have good morals, but If Tiger Woods tried to holla at me (which would only happen in my dreams because I'm not a "Becky") I would probably hesitate to say no considering he's a married man. And people shouldn't be surprised that his jump-offs are not as pretty as his wife. Isn't that always the case? Men who cheat always take 12 steps down from their wives.
Great article. I never followed the private life of Woods as much so I wasn't aware of the *cough* genital endowment jokes, but you're right, once a playboy always a playboy.
I disagree though that Tiger can emerge from this whole thing unscathed. You mention R.Kelly as being "fine" after his scandal, but that's not really true. R. Kelly has been struggling for the past few years trying to regain the public support and success. And as for white America, he's dead to them. This is a man who was singing duets with CELINE DION! Now he's gotta chase after newbie urban artists like Keri Hilson. That mistake and cost him dearly, and I could see Tiger becoming tainted in a similar way.
"the Tiger might have been sinking his balls into someone else’s hole" - HILARIOUS!! And I totally agree! Why is everyone so shocked? I told my husband last night that the only thing that might surprise me is if Tiger murdered someone. If the average Joe Blow can cheat, then so can the Almighty Tiger. Tiger's father, management and the media put that "Good Boy" stamp on him long time ago. I don't remember Tiger ever saying "I can do no wrong. I'm perfect." That was the public projecting that onto him. The public is extremely forgiving of celebrities; especially male celebrities. Just look at the backlash Rihanna received after her 20/20 interview! It's a terrible double standard. Tiger will survive. Like most celebrities who have to deal with scandals.
"...12 steps down from the wife", LOL! Honee Bee that is soooooo true...lol!
I dont think he is all that fine personally but I knew he wasnt perfect. We (society) put these people (celebs) on a pedastal and then get shocked and hurt when we find out they are human and make dumb ass decesions.
Oh, and I do think he is WRONG and I feel no Pity for him, he is getting what he deserves. Men ought to stop "sinking thier balls into other holes". lol And these skank-alishous women should stop allowing this mess...they should have some morals for themselves. Easy to say but hard to do since this dance has been going on since the begining of time.
Lol, very interesting point you made!
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Dang Snob tell'em how you REALLY feel, LOL! Can't say I don't agree with you 1000% tho.
As a matter of fact this right here:
"I make no secret that I love Tiger Woods – the golfer. Tiger Woods the human being, I do not know"
...is pretty much the same thing I posted on a friend's status in f/b responding to her question on whether Tiger's situation will affirm women's (mistaken) belief that there's no "good" men left....outside of his gold game and his media constructed image..who ever knew Tiger the man well enough to say that he was a "good man"??..apparently not even his own wife.
This has great funny gems. Good job Black Snob!
Tiger Woods was cute about 12 years ago. He hasn't been attractive since he started losing his hair and developed a thick neck and a meat head. With his hat on, he's decent looking. Take it off? Um, no. From the neck down, he's fine. But from the neck up? Um, no. And don't get me started on how lame the guy is. He's the man on the golf course, but off of it he's awfully dorky and awkward. I mean, did you hear that voice message? He sounded like a scared dorky little 14 year old boy who just got caught spanking the monkey!
I don't get why everyone was so surprised either. He's a legendary hoe to rival Michael Jordan. I used to live in Jacksonville. A golf town. If you don't play you still know lots about the game cause that's how pervasive it is Anyway,every year after the Player's Tournament, you can hear stories about Tiger running through blonds from local strip clubs. I'm just surprised all this hasn't come out earlier.
And I'm not one who feels sorry for his wife, either. This man was sleeping around on her back when they were dating and she knew that and still married the guy. And now she's taken a seven figure deal from him to stay and keep her mouth shut. So I don't feel for her or their sham marriage. I do feel bad for his children, though. They are so cute but they've got a dad who's a whore and a mom that's a gold digger. That's got to cause problems for them in the future.
Oh, and I also want to add that I believe things are only gonna get worse, but he''l survive because of his talent. And I think the man may actually be a sex addict. His behavior is reckless and I doubt he's been wearing a condom every time he cheated.
Tiger runs w/ Michael Jordan and Charles Barkley, no? That is all I need to know... MJ hit on a friend of mine while still married to Juanita. Barkley is a fool. I am not surprised, though I'm a little sad for his wife. As to the cheapness of the strange he f'd around with... fool must have wanted to get caught.
he was joking about “black man dick so big” back then? i thought he wasn't black. was he joking about someone elses peepee? *lmao*
who cares about this tiger shiz. the only thing that i want to point out is why is it funny that his wife beat the tar out of him and their car but it wasn't funny when chris brown beat the tar out of rhianna? neither are funny.
Wow you are on a roll with this post DB, great analysis!
I am not sorry to say I lost interest in Tiger Woods after the "Cablinasian" sh*t claim he made. I dismissed him as a self-hating negro and never looked back. Right now I am highly amused by the entire fiasco - cheating, dirty text sending Tigga getting a beatdown with a golf club (Oh the irony) by average looking (IMO) ex-au pair, imaginary model (fact) wifey is one heck of a tragi-comedy.
The economy has tanked, life kinda sucks - what else is there to do but watch this situation play itself out?
I agree with your predictions 100% - Tigga will survive this with his marriage and career intact. People shouldn't compare him to the likes of R Kelly; sleeping with and peeing on minors is HARDLY the same thing.
Personally I have a very different and controversial ( to those who still swear Santa exists) take on this - so he scre*ed around with a few hostesses? So what? he won't be the first nor the last guy to do it. No matter who or what a man is there's always a woman ready to drop her pants and spread her legs; more so if the guy is a fairly attractive BILLIONAIRE golfer. Heck even if he embraced monkhood there are women who will hunt him down and force him to choose between his God and the pus*y (excuse my crudity, but hey, Tigga started it first!). You know and I know this mess has made him more interesting to many women out there. This is only the beginning.
This guy will NEVER be the faithful type, most men simply are NOT wired that way. Wifey needs to learn to work with the situation she is in or take the money and run. The only reason Tigga is remorseful is 'cos he got caught. Once a pus*y hound, always a pu*sy hound. You betcha he is kicking himself and taking notes. He will make darn sure he does not get caught again.
PS: Mr Woods is all kinds of screwed up. So he ain't black yet has a big black d**k? OOOKaaay.
The devil comes in many forms many of them quite beautiful. Powerful men have many women.
Great stuff. Very funny, too.
My only disagreement: TW's wife ain't no "trophy" in my book. I think, someone else mentioned upthread that she's just "average" looking. And, I agree. Look pass the blonde hair, closely into her grill; she is hardly a beauty. Just an oridnary looking white chick.
Many people seem don't seem to understand that being a great golfer doesn't make you a great person.
Well said commentary, Danielle. The rest of you gals are brutal. Hee, hee. Oh, well, Tiger deserves it. The chickens coming home to roost. Tiger probably copied his behavior from his daddy. I'm just saying...
that broad is NOT the trophy, LMAO!
I don't get the "trophy" thing either. She's pretty in theory cause in American, blonde hair blue eyes and slim means you're beautiful. But I don't think she's pretty at all. She's quite mannish looking if you ask me.
And I remember reading that GQ article and Tiger wasn't talking about his d*ck. He even asked "why is it that all the famous black athletes get all the hot blond chicks", as if he were some bigoted white guy pissed that he's being passed over for niggas. It was an odd statement and that's why I knew this guy was messed up in the head when it came to his ethnicity and how he views women.
I just find it funny that he told one of his friends that his wife had "gone ghetto" on him. So he has a history of dating stereotypical CA girls (blond & blue eyed). And the minute she shows any semblance of emotion she's "ghetto". Score one of Tiger's racism and self hate.
Will he be unscathed? Who knows Jordan came out just fine. He'll join a long list of athletes who have done the same and managed to recover.
We're not even talking about Letterman anymore.
Thanks, Tracy. I addressed the issue of Tiger's joke on a Facebook post and I couldn't find the quote made by him. You're right, he's messed up in the head about his own ethnicity. He hung over those good ole boy at the country club too long--starting to think he's one of them.
If the rumors are true about his years of infidelity then his wife must have known all along. My question is, I wonder why she snapped THIS time.
Here's a blog post by Charles Pierce, the guy who wrote the infamous 1997 GQ cover story on Tiger. I bet he was laughing his ass off when he heard the news. Tiger and Earl and IMG and the PGA Tour and Nike tried to ruin this man's career all because at 21 years of age, Tiger couldn't control himself and not make racist and sexist jokes. Like Dr. Maya Angelou says, "The first time someone shows you who they are, believe them." Tiger at 33 is the same goofy douche nozzle he was at 21. I remember being a big fan when he first came out and even went see him play at a tournament, but I remember being turned off when I read that GQ piece on him. Even at 16, I knew he was screwed up. And hearing stories about him off the course, mostly negative, had me not at all surprised when this scandal happened.
Oh, and just so you all know, Tiger is terribly uncomfortable around black people and I think he may even be racist. Did you guys know that in his home he used to keep a stuffed gorilla with an afro wig on it. Nice, huh? Oh, the stories I have heard about this tortured negro. I find all of the comeuppance he's getting these days hilarious as hell and yet I still feel sorry for the man.
http://www.esquire.com/the-side/opinion/tiger-woods-accident-updates-legacy-120109
When I hear Tiger Woods, sexiness does not come to mind. lol So what if he doesn't like black folks? He plays golf and I don't care how much money you have, he still looks like a dork.
I'm with Lili on this one!
"I am not sorry to say I lost interest in Tiger Woods after the "Cablinasian" sh*t claim he made. I dismissed him as a self-hating negro and never looked back. Right now I am highly amused by the entire fiasco - cheating, dirty text sending Tigga getting a beatdown with a golf club (Oh the irony) by average looking (IMO) ex-au pair, imaginary model (fact) wifey is one heck of a tragi-comedy."
I don't even ackknowledge him as a black man. And the chick he is married to really does exemplify [to me] [and not simply because he married a white woman, but because he hates himself because he is black] what he see's when he looks in the mirror.
@ Tracy
It really doesn't surprise me that he would mock being black since he isn't! Even though I should feel sorry for him I don't, I pity him.
Who cares? I don't. He isn't even black so why is he even a discussion.
Love the blog and your observations about Tiger. Quoting Millie Jackson, " Is the huh-huh still good to ya?"