The Indifference (and Unsexy Quotes) of the Apathetic Black Woman
Monday, December 14, 2009 at 12:15PM 
About a week ago a lot of the black blogosphere was a-buzz about a story by AP reporter Jesse Washington involving black people and their reaction to the Tiger Woods scandal. I didn't write anything about the article because I didn't find it particularly remarkable. While it cited things like the Tom Joyner Show as areas where blacks were airing their grievances, malice and discontent over Tiger, the most response I'd seen from black men and women on my blog and elsewhere was apathy.
Other than the usual schadenfreude, of which no race has been immune in the midst of this scandal, most people either expressed some mild disappointment that he proved to be such a horndog or were completely indifferent to the fact that all of Tiger's paramours were white. In my post on Essence.com, for example, a vast majority of the commenters expressed support for Tiger's wife or shared their own stories of being cheated on. Race, honestly, didn't come up much. And hardly anyone even touched on the matter of the bevy of white women he'd cavorted with because, ahem, the topic of Tiger being with white women has been a dead topic of discussion for some time now. Honestly, if you were surprised, you really weren't paying very close attention.
Which brings us to the case of blogger Denene Millner who was interviewed by Washington for his story. Millner, author of the My Brown Baby blog, was summarily lumped in with those mythical "angry" black women who were upset with Tiger for running around with so many white women. Again, Tiger's wife is white. Before he married his wife the bulk of his girlfriends were white. To be throwing a fit over cheating on one's white wife with more white women seems just bone dumb to me. Water's wet. Oooo. Millner apparently talked at length with Washington and had more of a "water's wet" take on things, but the quotes used in Washington's piece told a different story.
From My Brown Baby:
For forty minutes, I went on and on about how I was neither shocked nor cared about Tiger's choice in women because he's never seemed to identify with the "bl" in his "Cablinasian" racial make-up anyway. I went on to say—quite vehemently, might I add—that it no longer bothers me when men date outside of their race. In fact, I even sent a follow-up email with a link to my Something New post, in which I explained why neither I nor a whole lot of the African American women I know are bothered by interracial relationships like we used to be.
Imagine my dismay, then, when I woke up to countless google alerts, emails from friends, angry FaceBook messages from random people, and texts hipping me to Associated Press writer Jesse Washington's story, titled "Tiger's troubles widen his distance from blacks," in which a half of one of my many quotes—a response to Jesse's question about whether black women still ponder why rich, successful black men tend to date white women—was a featured quote in the story's theory that black women are pissed off at Tiger Woods.
For the record, I DID say, "Black women have wondered for years why is it when [black men] get to this level [of success]... they tend to go directly for the nearest blonde?" However, I followed that answer with a huge "BUT," and reiterated that most of the black women I know were neither surprised by nor cared about the color of Tiger's lovers.
Millner went into more depth about her much more complex view of the whole Woods sex scandal as well as detailed her frustration of what can happen to ANY of us when something you say or write is taken out of context by a reporter.
The reality is, Angry Black Woman will always be "sexier" to a journalist than Apathetic Black Woman. Apathetic Black Woman doesn't care about Tiger or what he does and who he does things with. Apathetic Black Woman is just morbidly curious, watching the car wreck of alleged girlfriends and jump-offs like everyone else. Apathetic Black Woman doesn't fit the stereotype, so she doesn't get as much ink as everyone's favorite black straw woman to bash -- ANGRY BLACK WOMAN. You know her? Every black man, even the biracial, non-black, Tiger Woods-ish ones, are her personal property and she takes a personal affront every freakin' time he steps out with a white woman. While there are some black women who do take interracial dating personal, to say this was happening in regards to Woods, someone most black people don't even claim, was stretching things. To have strained relations with the black community you would first have to have "relations" and Woods has largely been an atypical figure who has worked hard to "transcend" the whole race question by being as race neutral as possible.
So, that article was just all kinds of fail to me. And now that I know Millner was taken out of context the Fail Whale just continues to swim on.
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Reader Comments (82)
Ha! great story... I thought something was off about that article.
You hit the nail on the head with this:
"To have strained relations with the black community you would first have to have "relations" and Woods has largely been an atypical figure who has worked hard to "transcend" the whole race question by being as race neutral as possible."
I saw links to the article you're talking about, but I didn't read it because it sounded faulty to me. His distance from the black community couldn't be any wider than it was prior to his infidelity. Also, why would anyone look at the women he cheated with and frowns or complains about the fact that they were all white? So it would have been better if they were black? WTH? Come on people...
Don't worry, the tables are turning. More and more successful black women are turning to white men ( a la Susan Rice and Zadie Smith). Pretty soon we'll start getting stories from the Angry (or Lonely) Black Man perspective.
have you read some of the responses to your blogs? a strong percentage of them are centered around his wife being white.
@ swiv
I didn't say that people didn't mention race, but in regards to this specific scandal I haven't had many commenters get stuck on the whole "how dare he cavort with white women" thing. To get stuck on that would be ridiculous. I have had people get upset over Tiger Woods, believing that he "hates" being part black. But, to me, there's a difference between that and the comments I've seen in my posts related to the scandal. I mean on Essence.com -- ESSENCE -- the overall response has been "Team Elin." No one at this point is surprised by Tiger wanting white women.
Now, does Tiger hate being black? That's a whole different kettle o' fish. I'm not touching that one with a ten-foot-pole. But if people get stuck on anything, THAT'S usually what they get stuck on.
@swiv
...that strong percentage are all pointing out that her being white is NOt an issue. Go back, re-read and point to one that espouses the attitudes described in the AP article. Find a sinle one of the "angry" sista bemoaning losing Tiger o a white woman. There isn't one.
Well said. Call me apathetic. *shrugs*
Snob,
Thank you for highlighting the truth about that AP story and specifically for putting out the word that we need to stop trying to force black women into these ridiculous stereotypes. I love and respect your perspective—it really is a breath of fresh air. Keep doing what you do; you've got a huge fan over at MyBrownBaby, for sure.
Tiger and his white wife are a non-issue. Sorta like O.J. post trial.
Snob,
I agree with your assessment of the Tiger story. IEven though I'd cut Tiger off after he declared himself a "Cablasian" I was still somewhat suprised to find myself so totally apathetic to the Tiger saga.
As one who addictively followed the O.J. story, I thought I'd feel something of the same with Tiger, but I actually got bored with it quickly. Poor Tiger effectively distanced himself from the Black race, even more than O.J.
Nice take on a non story. I prefer PWAL person with a life to APBW but a rose by any name remains the same. Soon as it was clear no harm was done beyond property damage and minor treat and release injuries it ceased to be news for me.
Thanks for the breathe of fresh air in the insanity.
the fact that many people on this board focus the fact that she's a white woman before a disrespected wife exhibit the fact that her being white is an issue to them. maybe it's insecurity. or maybe that's just how small minded people seem to differentiate people, places and things.
does the fact that the tiger blogs have so many more replies than other blogs reveal how "apathetic" people are?
Nice call-out on Washington's irresponsible quoting/journalism. Maybe he thought that Millner is a case of "doth protest too much"? Or maybe he already had the article written and needed some juicy quotes to plug in. SMH.
Apathetic Black Woman - that perfectly describes me re: Tiger Woods issue. I care more about what this situation says about marriage and celebrity than it says about race. Glad to see that my social circle isn't a rarity.
The only public figure I would actually feel some personal way if the cheated would be Obama lol. When it comes to Tiger I don't care, I wouldn't care if everyone he had an affair with was black or white. I feel bad for his wife and thankfully his kids are young so perhaps they won't be damaged by this but other that that *shrugs*
swiv, perchance the tiger posts get a lot of comment because it has been on the news 24/7 for almost 2 weeks now.
I, for one, am not "Team Elin" because she (allegedly) physically assaulted her partner. Domestic violence is never justified. Don't get angry, get everything...
I am interested in the Woods' story for what it says about celebrity sports culture. In many ways they were both idiots to pledge fidelity given his fame and travel schedule. Recipe for disaster and STDs.
so has healthcare reform. and the war. and other things that are more important to our daily lives.
and how many posts has The Snob made on Healthcare and the War over the last 2 weeks for people to comment on?
@ swiv
Never said people were "apathetic" towards the trainwreck. I said Millner and others were "apathetic" about the notion of Tiger being with white women. Everyone already knows that he has a preference for buxom blondes. And, again, most black women don't seem to be outraged. All I see is a lot of morbid curiosity and the time old practice of taking pleasure at the misfortune of once untouchable famous people. Enjoying the lurid details of celebrity's image being shattered is not quite the same as hating him for his preference of woman.
I don't think people were shocked that all of the women he cheated with was white nor were they shocked that his wife is white. I think for many in the black community it was a chance to pay him back not only for distancing himself from them and not considering himself black but also for having a white wife.
If he was a full black man like OJ Simpson they would still do the same thing. I think what some black people are saying is when people like Tiger get into some trouble whether it's something like this or the OJ Simpson situation, The OJ Simsons and the Tiger Woods can't depend on their support. People can date or identify themselves anyway they like but don't expect the support from the group of people who are more likely to support u than any other group.
The girl from My Brown Baby Blog said she didn't say : Black women have wondered for years why is it when black men get to this level of success they tend to go directly for the nearest blonde?
It's a good question and the fact that this does happens alot, has affected the way some see these men and that is fair just like it's fair for them to date whomever they want but it can also come at a cost, i.e Tiger Woods and whoever gets in trouble next.
So, why is it when black men get to this level of success they tend to go directly for the nearest blonde?
i never felt like i "owned" tiger woods so his actions don't shock, surprise or anger me. he's a rich man with a penchant for scraggly loose white women. nnnnnnext! this will never overshadow the fact that he's one of the best golfers that ever lived. i could care less about who he's smutting.
On one hand, instead of being anti-Tiger, I'm totally team Elin. I love the fact that she packed her things and her kids and left (after she kicked his a**, LOL). I hope women follow her lead. If she can leave with millions on the table, you can let your trifling dude go. Elin is a woman who respects herself and we don't see that a lot in today's celebrity driven culture.
On the other hand, I take an almost perverse pleasure in seeing Tiger humilated and ridiculed. That's not hate. It's the joy of an arrogent prick being taken down a peg. He was supposed to be the "good colored fellow". He wasn't thought of as hood-he wasn't one of those athletes. He can no longer turn his nose up at the antics of the typical Black athlete.
Oh, how the mighty have fallen!!!
@ me
average the reply count out. it's like 60 replies for a tiger blog. around 10 for something more important.
@ danielle
being concerned with doesn't necessarily mean hating. but but being apathetic towards is the opposite as being concerned with. hating or outrage doesn't have to equate having an issue.
Yawn! I'm even less than apathetic now - I'm bored.
Jesse Washington -what an opportunistic jackass!
I've been suspicious of all the supposed outrage from black women. Tiger left the compound years ago. Who could be outraged over no black women being amongst the skanks? I for one am overjoyed that the endless parde of trah feature s no black women.
I did see some sister give a faux-outraged response on the Joy Behar show. Perhaps black women cannot be ironic or sarcastic either. Tiger has made his lair and now he must live there w/ his golf clubs and his wife. His "blasian" self needs to get pesona rehab plan and quick. Go cry it out on Oprah, Leno and Larry King.
Huge fail. And it seemed to me that it was black men trying to fish out some "Angry Black Women Are Angry Again -- At Tiger!" headline.
Not only was there this article, but on the NABJ listserve, another black male reporter was asking for black women to contact him so he could interview them about the Tiger saga. I don't know how much of a response he got. But I do know that when I saw that request, I rolled my eyes and said to myself, "There is SO no story there."
You're right. All of black women are on Team Elin, if they even care about the saga at all. It's just annoying that now, it's not white journalists trying to sell the angry black woman meme. It's black men who should probably know better.