Sarah Palin, I Think I Love You So What Am I So Afraid Of?
Tuesday, November 24, 2009 at 10:00AM 
Former Republican Veep candidate and John McCain ingrate, Sarah Palin is on her national piss everyone off tour and I have to say, of all the crazy Effie Whites I’ve known, hated and loved, she has to be the most perplexing. But in a good, crazy, batshit insane sort of way.
I mean, what would I do without her?
During the 2008 campaign I was the founding member of the “Sick of Sarah Palin Club” and I was, genuinely, sick of her at the time. I mean, that heifer was ANNOYING with her crazy word salad that was nothing but chunks of tasteless iceberg lettuce, Right Wing Madlibs and bullshit. And how she didn’t even try to deal with the mob of creepy, fringy, scary talk from the folks who came to her rallies to vent their fear of a black president with a “funny” name was dangerous. Will never really forgive her for that here at Snob HQ, but now that she’s not governor of Alaska (QUITTER!) and not a veep candidate, I can finally enjoy her Wasilla trainwreck in all its glory, guilt-free.
And damn, does it feel good.
Little thing about the Snob, I love crazy ambitious women regardless of their political affiliation. Not because they’re principled or they’re doing something for “womanhood.” Hell no. I just enjoy a good rendition of “I Am Telling You I’m Not Going,” no matter who sings it. And Sarah Palin, and all the drama that comes with her, became HIGHLY entertaining the minute she had no real power. I mean, c’mon now. She’s no Glenn Beck. She’s not hatching elaborate money-making cult-like schemes to mobilize wingnuts. Glenn Beck scares the living SHIT out of me because there are people just crazy enough to take his bullshit seriously! Sarah, on the other hand, is lollygagging her way up to the top, getting booed by her own fans at book signings for “quitting on the job!” when she doesn’t feel like signing all their autographs. People, Sarah Palin doesn’t have the discipline to be a Beck or a Gingrich or a Romney or a Huckabee or even a Rush Limbaugh. Even Ann Coulter can get her shit together long enough to rewrite the same “Liburls Are the Devil” book over and over again to get on Hardball and scandalize Chris Matthews one mo ‘gain. This woman can’t even stay for a full book signing. Why is everyone so mad at her? Get some popcorn and enjoy the damn show!
And what a great show it is! It’s got teenage sex and beefcake photos with barely legal Alaskan babydaddies! It rocks Bumpits and speaks in some weird vernacular that I thought died with the Andy Griffith Show! People are writing CRAZY PANTS articles about how Sarah Palin must be down with the Negroes because she’s a grandma who can rock running shorts and a bunch of other stereotypical bullshit about black people.
And I will laugh and laugh and laugh and look at Levi Johnston’s ass cheeks and laugh some more and I will keep having myself a mighty fine time until someone gives her some real power. As long as she’s at a threat level of Orange Alert Rachel Ray, I’m just going to kick up my feet and flip through the Playgirl pictures of Levi Mediaite threw up on their site to some wonky-ass porno music, rock my Bumpits and giggle my ass off. Because I ain’t no ways tired over no Sarah P. I mean, sure, she’ll never hold a place in my satirical heart the way my dear Mittens* does. But she comes a close third to Huckabee!**
*Don’t get me started on how much I love making fun of Mitt Romney. I want to see him in 2012 against Sarah. I want to see him try to control his swarmy, rich boy “I fucking deserve to be here because I have the most toys” ass. I want to watch him, and his perfect hair just be the world’s biggest a-hole because that’s just how a Romney does it! It was the only thing all 8,000 of the Republican candidates for president could agree on! Mitt Romney is a arrogant horse’s ass and he’s pretty and we all hate him! Please, Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints, let this happen!
**If politicians could be designed, someone would take Romney’s head and money and give it Huckabee’s charm and humor. But thank God that’ll never happen because that MFer would be dangerous. I mean, Bill Clinton was a once-in-a-lifetime phenomenon. We don’t need the Republicans getting some Arkansas sassafras mixed up with some economic braniac with perfect hair. Even Bill Clinton was kinda of funny looking to offset the evil genius. HuckaRomney would eat your young and convince you that it was good for you with a devilishly handsome smile and a funny story about frying up squirrel in a popcorn popper.
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Reader Comments (22)
I THINK I'M GOING TO GO ROGUE.
The problem is that Palin motivates people like this to vote and make their insane positions public:
http://www.kdvr.com/news/kdvr-obama-billboard-112009,0,2612065.story
I hate to think about it but such a man like "HuckaRomney " sounds like the Anti-Christ..
I also enjoy watching the train wreck that is Sarah P. But as I’m laughing at her nonsense there are people out there who embrace her and think the way she does. For me that’s no laughing matter, it’s a very scary thought.
I would be entertained if it weren't for her inarticulate supporters who are coming out of the woodwork. She is the "bright shiny object"; the hollow chocolate bunny; the cotton candy/junk food of politics and middle America LOVES junk food.
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2009/11/23/palin-supporters-struggle_n_367800.html
"Little thing about the Snob, I love crazy ambitious women regardless of their political affiliation. Not because they’re principled or they’re doing something for “womanhood.” Hell no. I just enjoy a good rendition of “I Am Telling You I’m Not Going,” no matter who sings it"
Yeah, someone had a little too much fun writing this. Sarah definitely makes me want to pull out a cup of "courage," some and some cinnamon popcorn.
Tsk, tsk, tsk. Way too much ink for this woman and for the pinup boy.
I would love to laugh at Sarah Palin...But, way to many people take this chick serious so I will not be laughing any time soon. Sarah Palin is Richard Nixon reborn with the politico chops of Bush Jr. and both those two men were elected twice. So, sister Sarah has a hell of a shot at being President she is setting her self up to be the champion of blue collar white folks just like Nixon did. I also see a little bit of Regan in her also and that scares the shit out of me because Regan was horrible for our economy.
Sorry, Snob but until Sarah Palin is insured not to be siting in the White House 2012 I will be no longer laugh at this chick. Check republican polls this woman is blowing her would be republican challengers away. Only Huckabee stands a chance at beating her but he does not fair to well against her either.
Dig it. No laughing matter.
Personally, I'm laughing to keep from firebombing.
This was the funniest thing I read all day....now I'm gonna be singing Dreamgirls for the rest of the day...I'm done...
I think Sarah Palin's popularity comes partially from the fact that her comments about not being one of the "Washington elite" speaks to many people; governmental and public policy decisions are not made with ordinary working folks in mind. Palin speaks to the feeling of "being left out" of the political arena. So many people feel that their voice does not count; their elected officials only represent big money interests, not the people. However, the selection of Sarah for the spokesperson of the downtrodden and left out is a bad choice. She is inarticulate and apparently uniformed (and seemingly desperate to stay that way) It is unfortunate that the folk she seems to attract don't realize that they got left behind long ago, and will never again be allowed back on the bus. The are the same people who time and time again vote against their economic interests, and wonder how the country got in this shape. But hey, she looks good, and America goes for style over substance on a regular basis.
I love Sarah Palin. She is a woman who is strong in her convictions and not afraid to show it. She is different then the political candidates that we are used to - city slicker types. So I think she is a breath of fresh air. and is definetely not a SNOB! She is an career woman, an awesome mother and a gorgeous woman. I love her hairstyle, color and cut. She wears Vidal Sassoon Hair Poufs to create her signature look not Bumpits. Whether you agree with her political views or not you must agree that she is amazing!
^^^^^ i hope this post was a joke.
LMAO
Daneille, this was one hell of a peice. You was knocking them down.!! Keep it up girl
I'm sorry, but Sarah Palin is a fake civil rights leader who profits on the back of those who really are seeking hope. It is amazing to me how white folks can always point out how the civil rights leaders after King and X were simply trying to fill a void, and to create a voice for the black community. As I have said on my Facebook page, "Has Sarah Palin ever participated in a populist protest without being the head speaker?" "Has Palin's safety ever been compromised in the name of standing up for her beliefs?" Instead, I see a woman who "relates to the average American" by making millions on book deals, and stays in the spotlight while those who she claims to speak for remains unemployed, disenfrachized, and victims frankly. So, I don't understand the draw that this woman has seeing that she is transparent.
I never realized how cute Mitt Romney is. I gues now that I think about it, he isn't bad looking.
@ Kay
Yeay, but he would never let you touch the hair. He looks like a mannequin to me.
the rabid sexist abuses of sarah palin by misogynists in media may just help her to become prez in 2012...
see more on sarah at:
ELOQUENT FURY
http://aliciabanks.vox.com
luv this:
"HuckaRomney would eat your young and convince you that it was good for you with a devilishly handsome smile and a funny story about frying up squirrel in a popcorn popper."
scary! :)
"Little thing about the Snob, I love crazy ambitious women..."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~then you will love this re: Gov. Sanford's soon-to-be ex-wife, Jenny (only I don't think she's crazy... at least not yet, she's smart and ambitious):
From Shadow to Limelight for a Governor’s Wife
http://www.nytimes.com/2009/11/28/us/politics/28jenny.html
Question: Why would we allow her to be President when we know that she quit her job as Governor? WTF!