How Do You Apply to Be "Queen of All Media?"
Monday, November 23, 2009 at 9:00AM 
So Oprah Winfery is retiring in 2010 and I feel ... well, meh. I like Oprah on principle. Who can't root for the little black girl who grew up, did good and became Queen of All Media? That's a pretty awesome storyline. But I wasn't in Oprah's target demographic. I always saw Oprah as something for folks who needed a Best Black Friend Guru to tell them what books to read and what products to buy and how to best dump their horrible husbands and live their "Best Life Possible." I wasn't looking for some Neon Messiah to lead me to the retail promised land, so I pretty much passed on Oprah all of my child, teen and adult life. But to realize that I don't really know a world without Oprah on television, that people have been born and have grown up knowing nothing but the Mighty O is pretty amazing. I actually have a few pre-Oprah memories. They all involve Phil Donahue and Jerry Springer trying to be Phil Donahue, but there aren't many.
(Goodness, remember when Jerry Springer tried to be relevant? Before it became "Jerry! Jerry!" Springer. Heck. Do you remember when he was a sex scandal plagued Ohio politician? I do! I'm OLDER THAN YOU!!!)
But the real reason why I'm writing this post because I (like everyone from Tyra Banks to *insert generic black female blogger*) would like to know where you can apply to be "Queen of All Media?" Other women have tried to get the position while Oprah was holding down the spot. From Martha Stewart to Rachel "Stop Trying to Sell Me Things" Ray, but no one really had the juice. I'm just saying ... I'm black. I'm a woman. I have isues with my weight and don't mind talking about it publicly. I'm not married (although unlike Oprah, I think I'd like to finally make an honest woman .... I mean, man out of Stedman). I could be Oprah. I guarantee that more women could relate to me than ... say a gorgeous, 90 ft tall Amazonian former supermodel and whatever Wendy Williams is. As my little sister, Baby Snob would say, "I'm as REAL as they come!"
Black girl hair complexes and Obama family obsessions and all!
Do I have to learn how to like all that mysticism crap like "The Secret?" Because I can't lie to save my life. If I think something is shitty, I just say it's shitty or I keep my mouth shut. I don't know how to lie there and fake it ... in more ways than one. (They'll never learn if you just fake it!) Of course, my bluntness could be really refreshing on The Black Snob Show. In my interviews I'd just ask the damn question, all with a big, friendly smile on my face. (Because that's how I do!)
So let's do this! (Whoever decides these things.) I want to get my house in Santa Barbara before they run out of spots!
Love,
The Snob
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Reader Comments (16)
You've got my vote.
You get my vote too Danielle! I'm sure you're going to fight Tyra hard for it though, I know she wants it bad!
Tyra would only find some way to make it all about her and alienate everyone.
I think Oprah's probably going to pass the torch to someone. My guess is she'd pass it to Ellen DeGeneres.
I'd love to see you in that spot!
It's sad to see what's become of daytime tv. When I was home with no sat. dish after a hurricane, and in between the cout TV dramas and talk show dramas, I seriously (*cough*, *cough*) considered becoming a medical assistant in 3 short weeks! lol
Be careful of what you wish for.
I'm willing to vote twice on your behalf, but....think of the inner torment you'll endure knowing that having achieved Oprah-esque dominion over the media landscape, you'd turned yourself into our national 'Mammy'.
It's not worth it.
You are not alone. Every sista with a blog, mix cd, radio show, or business card wants to know the exact same thing!
"But I wasn't in Oprah's target demographic. I always saw Oprah as something for folks who needed a Best Black Friend Guru to tell them what books to read and what products to buy and how to best dump their horrible husbands and live their "Best Life Possible."
That so perfectly describes what I have been trying to explain to people.
lol!
"Best Friend Guru to tell them what books to read and what products to buy and how to best dump their horrible husbands and live their "Best Life Possible."
and this didn't apply to you, how? because you knew what books to read, how to dump a horrible husband and were already living "the best life possible?"
and if you're demographic is not oprah's, what demographic would you attempt to appeal to?
I for one will miss Oprah. I know a lot of people hate her but she has brought a lot of joy to many people's lives. I know I'll probably get stones thrown at me for saying this, but I think the reason Oprah has stayed relevant for so long is God. This is what was God's plan for her life. I personally don't think there will be another Oprah in our lifetime. but I could be wrong.
So, Long Oprah don't let the haters keep you down...She will be missed by her followers...As for me I stopped watching her show ten years ago.
Stop the useless campaigning...clearly that's Ms. Sarah Palin's slot! ;-)
300,000 copies of her book sold the first day! I mean, OMG, she's just so real and soooo beautiful...a great mom, governor and now best selling author!
You betta be scared!
laughing at myself because i am only 17 and i cried when the big O made her announcement i guess it's cause my mother actually refused to give birth to me until she finished watching Oprah. there has not been a day where i haven't sat and watched O with my mama... good memories at 4:00
No one will ever be able to take Oprah's place. There's only ONE Oprah. I like Tyra Banks though so if anyone has the chance to be the next Oprah (highly unlikely) i hope it's Tyra. You should try and take a swipe at it though Snob.
@swiv, I'm not sure if you were genuinely asking a question of the Snob, making a joke or attempting to make light of her but, Danielle has mentioned in the past that she got rid of a horrible husband on her own. Generally it is not difficult to decide on your own what you want to read or not read without a tv show and people have different tastes so the books Oprah suggests may not appeal to Danielle. Lastly, are you trying to insinuate that Danielle is not living the best life possible, is not trying to do so? The prespcriptions that Oprah provides for living the "best life possible" may not work for Danielle or for other people.