The N-Word Makes Elisabeth Cry
Friday, July 18, 2008 at 11:59AM
My good friend the Negro Intellectual sent this to me this morning and I had two reactions to this um ... heated weepy discussion of the dreaded "N-word:"
1) Sometimes I think this debate would go a lot easier if black people would just explain the "N-word" as being what it is, a racially charged curse word. Often (black) people leave the impression that all black people are "OK" with it when in my own household my mother has never used it and forbade us to use it. At the same time my dad and his brothers do use it amongst each other. I was always taught it was a "use at your own risk" word. Sort of like dropping the "C-word" or "fuck" in people's presence. There's a time and a place and sometimes there is no time and no place, but when you say it, you're responsible for it and whatever reaction you get -- good or bad. So white people can say it. Black people can say it. Just be prepared to face the consequences.
2) I actually started laughing when Elisabeth Hasselbeck started crying. I think (she cried) because this isn't an issue can be dressed up with kittens and rainbows. It involves complex, deep drama that can't be worked through in 45 minutes on Dr. Phil. They want to be "done" with the issue of race and wonder why-oh-why can't we just be free, hug a tree and be all "the same" already, because she's there. She's cool! She's totally post-racial! What's your problem? But then there was the whole not realizing that saying "we're the same" and us actually being "the same" are two entirely different things. It think it's a combo of guilt and frustration because she knows she doesn't get it, but doesn't want to go down that scary path to finding out what the "real" problem is.
Crying over shit like this is a cheap way to show you care or that you take it seriously when you're really just crying because you think people are "picking" on you. It's a sort of luxury only white women of a certain caliber can afford. Mainly, non-poor, young and attractive white women. If you're an unattractive, old, broke white woman or if you're a non-white woman and you have the nerve to cry, no one gives a shit about you. No one feels sorry for you. No one tries to help you understand. Elisabeth is just using the tools given to her to demonstrate that she's a "good white person." Not one of those bad white people who teaches their children to hate us darkies. Her tears were trying to tell you that.
If Sherrie had started crying, everyone would have given her the "what is that bitch's problem?" face, as people are immune to black women's tears. Even if we're crying over something legitimate like our sons dying in unnecessary street violence, our elderly mothers drowning in Katrina, having our kids taken away, being rejected by our families or communities, getting our heart broken. SUCK IT UP, BLACK WOMAN! No one cares if you cry! I think I was that rare black girl who's parents allowed to be a "giant girl" and just cry over things from time to time. I wouldn't have cried over whatever Miz Liz's problem was ("Everyone is being so mean when I am a beacon of tolerance! Rodney King was right, ya'll! Why can't we all get along!"), but as I said before, those tears were for herself and wanting to demonstrate that she was not one of "those" white people, but an understanding one who hates the N-word and would never, ever use it.
Danielle Belton | 37 Comments | Share Article | Email Article | Print Article | tagged The View, Whoopi, elisabeth hasselbeck, n-word, racism, sherri shephard 
Reader Comments (37)
"Crying over shit like this is a cheap way to show you care or that you take it seriously when you're really just crying because you think people are "picking" on you. It's a sort of luxury only white women of a certain caliber can afford. "
This is so effing true...
I agree with "ct said."
I see it all the time. A white woman cries, and we are all supposed to rally around her and comfort her. And , it was no different here. If you noticed, Sherri grabbed her hand in a "supportive gesture" at the end of the segment.
Why is that? Okay, now that she demonstrated her faux sentiments, I wonder if, when hearing the n-word bandied about in conversations with her contemporaries, did she raise such objections? I doubt it. she probably didn't call her friends on it.
If she is progressive as she says, then she would have. Like you both, I doubt her sincerity.
I saw the show, yesterday, and Elisabeth's crying wasn't what irritated me, but Whoopi's explanation of why black people can use the word and white people can't. I don't agree with that re-claiming a word and making it your own and then tell others they can't use it. I don't think it should be used period, whether "endearing" or "with hatred". It just shouldn't be said and it makes me cringe when I hear it. I think Elisabeth's crying was not just a luxury she has as a young, white woman, but that she truly just doesn't understand this whole thing. But that's just me.
tiffany: I don't think she "got it" either, which was part of why she was so upset, but what you're criticizing Whoopi for was what I was outlining in my first point. I don't get the "reclaiming" thing either. It's just bad language. I don't know why some, specifically Whoopi, have to make it into the Manga Carta. The fact that black people don't agree on whether it is bad form or "reclaiming" something negative is further proof to me that it's an issue of taste. Like, you know you're not supposed to drop the N-word on "The View." It's not OK for anyone to drop it on "The View." You do so at your own peril. And at Whoopi's peril it made her look ridiculous and inarticulate.
I don't know why people defend it. It's bad language and you will offend someone, but since we're all grown, use it at your own risk. How hard is it to just say that?
Great post. My sister called someone "a spic" once when she thought my father wasn't listening and she thought she was being cute and he slapped her, hard. (Not down with the slapping but read on).
Racial epithets, of any kind, were just not acceptable.
My dad was old enough to be my grandfather, so he grew up in the segregated south when it was bad, bad, bad, BAD and no matter how intelligent or wealthy or worthy a person you were, if you were Black person white people could call you anything they wanted and get away with it. You had to shut your mouth and keep stepping if you didn't want to end up at the end of a gun or a rope. So my dad thought using the world nigger was a horror. I can only imagine what kind of feelings Black people calling each other "nigger" brought up in him.
I have had to give up some friendships lately with white women who played the "crying/Mammy" card with me much of the time. Elizabeth was playing those cards. She wanted Whoopie to let her off the hook and say soothing words to her to let her know that she understood that Elizabeth wasn't racist. Whoopie didn't go there, so she broke out the tears.
Hmphf. I've changed my relationships. None of my friends gets a mammy anyone. Understand your own damn self.
The N-word wasn't allowed in my home either and I really despise Hasselback and pretty much can't stand The View either.
This whole "taking it back" and it can't hurt my talk about the word never sits right with me. If it can't hurt you, then why is there a pblm when white folks use it?
Oh, I know...it's a degrading, de-humanizing word that was and continues to be used to insult Black folk.
sdg1844: I just know I've been called the "N-word" by a black person and by a white person and it hurt both times. The word is what it is for me. People can put as many pink bows on it as they want. It personifies ignorance and self-hatred.
I see it all the time. A white woman cries, and we are all supposed to rally around her and comfort her. And , it was no different here. If you noticed, Sherri grabbed her hand in a "supportive gesture" at the end of the segment.
Bump that! LOL. But yes, I see your point here. I grew up surrounded by the word, even using it when I was a kid and younger. And I knew it was a hurtful thing to say or belittling. The older I got the less I used it to the point where now it isn't even in my vocabulary. Even when I go back home and it is occasionally said (it was mainly exploited by extended family/friends but not in my home really), I still don't use it. Won't. Have no reason to. It's unnecessary.
But I can guarantee you I won't be defending NOT using it. It's a bad word, much like other epithets used to describe folk or things. And I *cough* try to refrain from using so many bad word. *cough* LOL. You know what I mean? I mean 'those' kinds of words. LOL.
With that said, in an overall response to this I must say: Elisabeth, please SHUT UP. And you too Sherri! LOL
I laughed loud and long.
I figure it like this: My friends and I call each other loser. I would not recommend anyone walk up and address us as such. You can...but you have to deal with the consequence...I figure what people choose to call each other in their group is their thing. For outsiders...use it at your own risk.
*I meant defending why I 'can' use it.... LOL Sorry about that.
I was watching The View when this happened and honestly, I was more embarrassed for Sherri than Elisabeth. As soon as Elisabeth said that he didn't like the word and didn't like it being used, Sherri jumped on her. For what? What's that going to prove to the world? Nothing.
I can't stand Elisabeth with a passion but you could tell that she was getting frustrated that no one was coming to her aid. 'Beth has a optimistic view of this country in where she thinks that everybody is equal.
The reclaim argument is stupid. Nigga is Nigger, no matter which way you look at it.
Girl, you are on point especially about them crocodile tears that white women love to drop. Like you, my reaction to those tears was suck it up and woman up. Her point about teaching her kid also rang hollow to me as well. As a Black woman and mother, believe me I don't didn't need those lessons taught to me nor do I need to teach em to my kids. Kids are pretty bright.
Her arguments to me just point to the fact that even factoring in educational/economics that white folks & black folks often reside in different worlds. Ugh...
Well, I saw it live and I was laughing inside and out loud quite gleefully. Because as a 75% watcher of "The View" Whoopi is the ONLY one who's able to check Miz Liz on the issue of race. Sherri wants to and tries to, but ultimately she falls short on the intellectual side. Sherri's way of doing is prolly quite South Side of her.
I think one should be aware that the snap from Whoopi didn't come from the issue about nigga, nigger or what have you, but rather from Liz's comments about "we come from the same world."
This was a clear case of white privilege, prolly Joy and Barbara could see that, but Liz was clearly oblivious.
I'm she cried, she needed to be publicly shamed in my opinion, but its good to see Whoopi put her in her place without losing her cool all the way like Rosie did, and ultimately her job.
Furthermore, I think the problem is that Liz is just uninformed. If she were more put together intellectually I'd be fine with her p.o.v., but it's just that her p.o.v. is wacked in my liberal thinking conjoined with her ignorance.
Yay for Whoopi!
You were right on with the entire post (as usual), Snob,
The whole "crying when my back is up against the wall and everyone's picking on me" is a common tactic for white women, rich or poor, young or old. I've seen the whole bit used many, many times. After awhile, you just roll your eyes at it and move on. That's how predictable and tired it becomes.
Now, I only thing I semi-disagree with is the black American usage of the "n-word". Personally, I don't think it's too horrible if black folks use towards each other. I do understand, however, how many can get offended by it's use. (Especially older black folks).
I'll be honest and tell you that I rarely use the word towards anyone. Just not my style, but I don't neccessarily object to other black folks using it towards each other, mainly because of context. The term is used among blacks in a very ironic sense, not a hateful one, I think. I think Whoppi was getting at that when she said that it's our way of "reclaiming" the word. A word that was/is used to break us, is now a term that we took back and made our own.
I mean, I've heard gay guys call each other "faggot" in a casual way. Once, I overheard two Puerto Rican co-workers of mines jokingly calling each other "spic". That's different than if I say it, though. They're part of a circle, so they have a shared bond and again, they're taking a word that is used to break them down and they're reclaiming it and using it out of irony towards one another. (Kinda like a nod or a wink). Same as if your parents have an embrassing nickname for you. It's one thing if your family and friends call you that name, but if a stranger who is of no bond or kin to you calls you it, it comes across as insulting.
You get what I'm saying?
Why does it seem like some White people are upset because Black people get to use the word and they can't?
I'm not sit here and justify its use. At the same time, I'm not going to act like I never used it either. I've said it in certain circumstances, dealing with family and others from the hood. Is it right? No, but I have to agree that it's not the same as when a White person directs it towards me.
Awesome post!
My question is always this - Why do white people want to use the word at all in the first place? This should be a non-issue for them. They have absolutely no connection to the word except as an abuser, so what do they want?
Black people have the ABSOLUTE right to debate, argue, struggle, and use this word. We have carried the burden of the word and white folks do not have the right to tell us what to do on this issue. We will get it figured out.
The point that people missed is how dumb it is to try to "ban" a word. That is not adult, it is not intellectual. Jesse Jackson called on ALL black folks not to use the word and there he is using it. You can't ban words, you discuss them.
What a typical white girl/woman move. We had a sensitivity training at my job on Monday and the assistant director pulled the same exact move LOL.
As far as the word itself, I'm in agreement with Amadeo, mynameismyname, and Jamerican Muslimah. It's a word that I've decreased using over the years and rarely say it.
I saw this mess live and immediately forgot about it the instant I turned the channel (after rolling my eyes). I love how this conversation is DEEP. I love the tears (I ate those tears for breakfast that day). I love the confusion from well-meaning white folk who always are on a mission to prove that they are progressive, non-racist, and will vote for a Black man.
What I don't understand is how we as Black people need to answer for the usage of "nigger" and MUST come to a consensus as a people on whether or not we use or condemn the word. I, for one, do not like the usage, and I jump all over my high school students (99% Black) when they use it, yet, if I am going off with friends (Black) about some social happening concerning Black people and need to stress the context and reality, I will use "nigga" for satirical purposes (Is it satire or irony... eh?). But why should I have to explain this to white people? Are they burning to use it and want to reference a Black person's opinion when they tell their white counterparts that their "Black friend said..." whatever? I like the Snob's perspective: USE AT YOUR OWN RISK. Leave it at that. There is no consensus. It is not a permanent item of the agenda for The Secret Council of American Negroes. Just USE AT YOUR OWN RISK.
Elisabeth should've done what Joy did...just sit back in the cut. Joy knows the time.
I find this fascinating.
In a way, the tears and arguments are giving her a certain moral authority that the others lack in their support for the n-word's usage among blacks.
She is saying: "the word is bad, blacks should not use it, whites should not use it...," but the others are trying to justify the use of a word which has always been used to disempower.
Who has the real moral authority? Who looks like they are crazy and out of their minds?
Justifying the use of a word which has always been intended to harm you?????
"... she was not one of "those" white people, but an understanding one who hates the N-word and would never, ever use it."
Uh - huh. Right, yet she wants to address the double standard of black people being allowed to use it while white people can't because ... Wah, it's so UNFAIR!
I'm glad Whoopi called her on that shyt and about "we're all the same". Oh really? **snark alert** Let me try that delicate-sniffly-tear-up next time I'm in a jam and see how that works out for me, Missy Liz. Snort.
@ Pioneervalleywoman: My problem with Miss overactive tear duct's position is that she is less concerned with the history of the word and what a horrible loaded insult it is than with dictating that no one can use it. White privilege much? I saw Sherri's initial snap as a direct response to that - "you don't tell me what I can and cannot say."
In the end the Snob (and Field Negro) are right. Miss Lizzy can use the word if she really wants to, she just does so at her own risk. I guess since she's not the kind of person to use such a word the entire drama was academic.
In my humble opinion that has always been stumbling block in any white/non-white discussion of race: for one side all discussions are primarly academic. The rest of us? We got skin in the game (pun intended).
I think we should just accept the fact that the N-word means different things to different people. I don't really use it and I probably wouldn't appreciate being called the N-word, but I'm not going to hold a press conference if I hear Black people drop the word. Just like I wouldn't hold a press conference if I hear mexicans using the term "wetback." And as far as using the word in a public forum, if you're willing to hear other curse words, then why the far-fig-newton would you expect this word to be off limits? Personally, I try to limit situations where I know I am going to be ear-raped (which is hard now-a-days).
I know that personally, I hate the word "pussy." I think it's vulgar, disrespectful and just sounds gross. Maybe I have some deep seated issues with my vagina or cats or something...I don't know, but that word's not going anywhere anytime soon, unfortunately. And because of this, I try not to obsess over it or hang around people that would use this word.
You can't control the world around you, only how you react to it. When you blow something up and make it forbidden and controversial, you draw attention to it, it never goes away and Elizabeth Hasselbeck starts crying on "The View." Let's end this madness, even though I enjoyed hearing Whoopi schooling her on the "we all live in the same world" business. lol Didn't it remind you of the part on the Color Purple when Sealy slams her hands on the table and says to Mister, "Did I ever ask you for anything?! I never asked you for nothing, not even your sorry hand in marriage!" Well, maybe not that dramatic, but it could have been, right? No? Okay.
Oh and yeah, use the n-word at your own risk. If you use it in the wrong setting and/or context and/or in front of the wrong people, then you deserve what you get. Just like with any other inappropriate and foul language.
To One Very Attractive Nerd: Yes on the Color Purple flash... All it needed was the "'Til you do right by me..." part and the voudou fingers. Elizabeth needed the voudou fingers...
On the point about Whoopi schooling her on the "we're all the same" comment, I wish that had been focused on more. It was a critical point, but it got lost in the typical, "I'm white. When can I say nigger, and if not, why not?"
I find it hard to take Whoopi's views on race serious, considering the fact that she supported her then-boyfriend, Ted Danson's whole blackface act at the Friar's Club back in the day. She really is the last one to talk about racial issues.