Top secret island fortress and SCAN secret headquarters and wayward black celebrity rehab/exile station, St. Sojourner, named for abolitionist Sojouner Truth.Shortly after the election of 44th president of the United States Barack Hussein Obama and before the Inauguration, the Obamas took part in a pre-Inaugural celebration on Saint Sojourner, SCAN's Fortress Island in an undisclosed location in the West Indies.

Separated from the press pack after disappearing into a local Hawaiian shaved ice stand and water park Dec. 27, 2008, the Obama's were quickly spirited away by SCAN FORCE ONE to the island to take part in the top secret festivities planned, late as usual, for the new First Family.

There high ranking members of the Secret Council of American Negroes, along with their Conservative sister organizations, Negroes of North American (NONA), threw a joint "Mission Accomplished" party for the incoming president and family.

In attendance were the shadowy, HNIC, pivitol members of Operation Real David Palmer, high level members of SCAN's governing council.

Here is a brief, heavily edited transcript and description of the on-goings.

St. Sojourner's executive living quarters.

DATE: Dec. 30, 2008

EVENT: Black Caesar Arrives

RE: Success of "Operation David Palmer"

An event more than 100 years in planning, the excitement on St. Sojourner was at a fever pitch. Famous and covert SCAN and NONA operatives found convenient excuses to flee the mainland for two days and two nights on St. Sojourner to celebrate what had become a life-long obsession with the Council -- Revolutionary change through elections.

Finally, the tools that had held SCAN back for decades had worked in their favor and operatives were sunning themselves on the island in good spirits, remarking on their success in getting Special Agent 001, Barack Hussein Obama, Code name: Black Caesar, elected.

It was before Obama, his wife Lt. Special Class Michelle LaVaughn Obama, and their children, Sasha and Malia arrived via the HNIC's special transport that the HNIC engaged in the following conversation with NONA co-chairpersons, Colin Powell and Double-Agent Condoleeza Rice.

"Good work," said the HNIC, sipping on a pina colada in the shadows, stroking a cat. "I'm so glad you both could come."

"I'm just sorry we couldn't convince more to join us, but as you know, relations are still a tad hostile with some at NONA," Powell said, "But Condoleeza and I wouldn't have missed this historical day."

"I'm especially surprised to see you, Condoleeza," said the HNIC.

"I'm willing to let bygones be bygones as long as you keep Councilwoman J away from me. I have a restraining order against her," she said.

"Is this about the pig's blood?" asked the HNIC.

"And the cow hearts with the nails through them. I mean ... I was just doing my job, HNIC. I don't see the need for the brutality."

"Well, you break the eggs ..."

"I just wrote out the paper work for the egg breaking. Those were Rumsefled's eggs."

Colin rolls his eyes.

"This isn't a time for blaming, Condi. This is a time for celebration. We've won ... all of us."

"I had always hoped it would be me, sir," Colin said meekly. "I can't help to feel that I failed you."

The HNIC pats Colin's arm.

"You did your best. That's all I could ever ask. And now, SCAN and NONA together again after that horrible fallout in 1909 between DuBois and Washington. Pity. Imagine how far we'd be now if only Washington's views of a strong labor force and DuBois' dream of an educated class could have been combined."

The HNIC stands up and motions to the two NONA memebrs, "Walk with me."

Condoleeza, Colin and the HNIC, along with the HNIC's securty detail close by begin to go for a stroll around the beautiful, lush grounds of the island fortress.

"It's true Colin. It could have been you. I remember when I first met you. You held so much promise, but you still exceeded my expectations," the HNIC said. "But Obama was always The One. It's not that you were wrong, Colin. You just weren't him."

Colin nods in agreement. Condoleeza stares at her nails.

"What about me, HNIC?" Condi pressed.

"You did all right," the HNIC replied, then sighed. "You two just picked a really, really, really shitty Republican Administration to tie yourselves to."

Colin shakes his head in agreement and mouths the word, "True," while Condoleeza looks away.

"HNIC," started Condoleeza with tears in her eyes, "Bush is my ..."

The HNIC's hand jumps up to silence her.

"I don't know want to know," the HNIC said. "I never want to know. It doesn't matter now anyway. I always had my ace in my pocket. My Black Caesar. The boy who would be king. I still remember stopping in Hawaii on SCAN FORCE ONE to refuel on my way to Cuba after returning from the Philippines. I wanted some ice cream. I don't know why. I usually avoid sweets. And there he was amongst those 31 flavors.

"I'd never seen someone deliever two scoops of Pralines and Cream with such tenacity. I could sense the fire in him, the passion. But it was rudderless. I had to know more. I told him to keep the change. It was a $100 bill and my card. A year later we would meet in California and I would tell him that he was 'The One.'

"The Oracle kind of fucked up by saying that outloud around non-SCAN members, but we on the high council always knew he was 'The One,' and I have an eye for talent. That's why I find the Manchurian Candidate jokes about Special Agent First Class Obama so hilarious. He was anything but, I encouraged him to find himself. To get in touch with who he was as both a Kenyan and an American. When he first went to Kenya I told him that he would have to tell him if he was serious about this, accepting his destiny. I knew the trip would change his outlook on the world. Which was why I encouraged it. He had a mind so sharp, but he needed molding.

"And let's be honest here. He was drowning in nothing but white folk. Someone had to tell him to give Negroes a chance. Going by Barry when he had a proud, distinct name in Barack."

"You got him to go by Barack?" Condi asked.

"Well ... a little bird of mine did," said the HNIC with a wry smile. "In the end, the special agent and I began to see eye-to-eye on things. This isn't that he didn't make mistakes, but I was always there to steer him through, SCAN and myself, the invisible hand guiding history.

"We rebuilt him. We made him stronger. We taught him the ways of blackness and he embraced it. Some would say he embraced it beyond our own expectations. Especially by marrying within the 'family.'"

Condi's eyes bulge.

"Michelle is ...?"

"Her family is knee deep in SCAN. Code name: Black Mamba. Her father was one my closets friends and Chicago operatives. She went to school with Jesse's kids. She was practically born with an afro pick in one hand and a copy of 'The Souls of Black Folks' in the other. She was supposed to be one of Barack's officers, train him in everything from how to properly play the race card to hand-to-hand combat to the art of Subversive Assimilation 101. I suppose she found she had more to teach him than the virtues of Frederick Douglass and capoiera.

"I gave it my blessing even though it was technically against the rules, but I'd be lying if I weren't playing matchmaker a bit.

"Did you know Lt. First Class Michelle LaVaughn Robinson Obama knows nearly 100 ways to kill you with a bobby pin and a hot comb whether that comb is heated or not?"

Colin is shocked, "I had no idea you were so involved, HNIC?"

"We learned from our mistakes with Jesse. No more picking amongst the Civil Rights survival class. We needed new, open-minded blood. No more surprises. No more rhyming every other fucking word like you're Dr. Seuss. It's not that SCAN wasn't fully behind Operation Keep Hope Alive, but ... it was really a dry run for our long term project with the Black Caesar.

"We never really expected Agent Action Jackson to win, but he opened many doors for black politicians in congress and for that we are eternally grateful. Despite some of his ... um ... lesser indiscretions."

The HNIC looks out at the ocean, watching a pair of seagulls take flight. He then sees SCAN FORCE ONE arriving at St. Sojourner's small airport.

Suddenly, the HNIC's no. 1 aide runs up. It is the Secy. to the HNIC.

"They're here your, imminence."

The HNIC claps and shouts: "LET THE CELEBRATION COMMENCE!"

Multiple wait staff begin frantically running about as they prepare for the president-elect and his family's entrance.

OFFICIAL STAFF REPORT: Operation David Palmer, Mission Accomplished

Then President-Elect Barack Obama arrived with his family at 4 p.m. on the island. After a brief debriefing with SCAN technicians and agents, Barack and Michelle retired to the special executive living quarters on the island to meet briefly with the HNIC.

Security members from both Obamas' and the HNIC's teams leave the room as Obama and the HNIC sit alone in the HNIC's manse along the island. The only people left in the room are the HNIC's secy. recording the notes while Denise Katrina Matthews prepares her famous Monte Cristo sandwiches and mimosas for the guests.

HNIC: Mr. President.

Obama: HNIC.

(Obama and the HNIC give each other the secret SCAN soul handshake then embrace.)

HNIC: I've waited all my life to say those words.

Obama: St. Sojourner is even more beautiful than I imagined.

HNIC: Don't get too attached.

(Denise Matthews enters with the drinks and sandwiches as Obama and the HNIC take a seat. Obama takes a seat and bites into the sandwich.)

Obama: Damn.

HNIC: Damn indeed. That ex-Prince protege can burn.

Obama: HNIC, I don't even know where I can begin.

HNIC: Say whatever comes to your mind, my son.

Obama: I can't thank you enough. Getting Chairman Powell to come out and play the race card with such skill. Recruiting Mitt Romney to sabotage McCain's campaign. You were the invisible, melanin covered Lee Atwater no one ever saw coming.

HNIC: There's an advantage to being a myth, my son. Besides. That campaign wasn't really that hard to sabotage.

Obama: And did I see Todd Palin sucking on a neck bone by the patio?

HNIC: You were our number one priority ... always.

Obama: Wow. All I can say is ...

HNIC: Nothing. You think I picked you for this assignment just because you were good looking and talk pretty? I had tons. You weren't the only one. Patrick, Ford, Fenty, Powell ... I had all of them nursing at my teat, preparing for the right day and time. But in the end, No Drama Obama was always the one. You're efficient. And smart. Both Michelle and Valerie vouched for you. That you could go where no Negro had gone before. This isn't just a celebration for you, but all of SCAN. But there are bigger things at foot now.

With your ascension it is time for some of us to return to the shadows.

Obama: But ...

HNIC: Did you think I could hold your hand forever? I've taught you everything I know. I'm appointing the new second HNIC tonight.

Obama: HNIC, I'm not ready.

HNIC: Who said I was appointing you as my no. 2?

Obama: It's just ... I ...

HNIC: I'll still be around, but you will "officially" be the chairman of SCAN. I will retire to the board. I'll still retain most of my title. But this will belong to our daughter of Isis. Our daughter of the sojourn. 

Obama: Wait? You're making Michelle the no. 2 HNIC?

HNIC: Did I stutter? What part of daughter of Isis did you not get?

Obama: I'm just ...

HNIC: Silence! She will represent SCAN's interest in the White House. It was always part of the deal. She did her part to help you become what you are today. She got on the fast track to being no. 1. I can't be the HNIC forever you know?

Don't worry. You'll be bumped up to the no. 3 slot.

Obama: I'm leader of the free world?

HNIC: And who's the leader in la familia?

Obama: Point taken.

HNIC: Admit it. You like having her to keep you on task.

Obama: I do enjoy being under her thumb.

HNIC: Who wouldn't?

Obama: Does she know?

HNIC: She always knew. Your election has done more than just bring America together. You will bring the Diaspora together. The daughter of slaves with the son of Kenya. The motherland and America finally becoming one again. From the West Indies to England, we're all overcoming this time. Operation Revolution is on.

Obama: I thought Operation Revolution was a myth?

HNIC: We're taking over, Special Agent First Class. Can you dig it?

Obama: (Standing at attention) YES I CAN!

HNIC: (Saluting him back) Yes ... yes WE can, Mr. President.

THE CELEBRATION

Pivotal members of "Operation Real David Palmer" were all invited to the celebration, including covert operatives failed Republican nominee Mitt Willard Romney and "First Dude" of Alaska, Todd Palin. Both, of course, were blindfolded until they arrived at the island and were not allowed within 100 yards of the HNIC or Obama.

Romney: Man. These SCAN folks know how to cook. I have never seen THIS many varieties of chicken.

Palin: I feel dirty.

Romney: Buck up, little Snowmachine Man. Ooo! Is that satay?

Palin: I don't know how you can be so cool about this?

Romney: Ding dong, McCain is dead! And your witch of wife!

Palin: Hey. Not cool.

Romney: Said the guy who betrayed her just so he could catch a whiff of Suzanne Malveaux's hair. God. That woman smells like new copper pennies and Chilean coffee beans.

Palin: Hey, that's complicated.

Romney: You're a fornicator.

Palin: I knew Suzy before I met Sarah.

Romney: And I don't care. Is that ribs? Oh my God! There are, like, fifteen different kinds of barbecue here. I see what they mean by once you go black.

Palin: This only made her more resolved you know? She really wants to be president now in 2012.

(Romney begins laughing uncontrollably. Then notices the look on Todd's face.)

Romney: Oh. You're serious.

Palin: I can't keep this up. She's my wife, man. I can't keep sabotaging her for the next four years!

Romney: Hell, it's not like you have to even do anything. She's completely capable of fucking up all on her own. Mmmm! Have you tried this crab dip? This is real crab with cajun seasonings!

Palin: I hate you.

Romney: (smiling) EVERYONE DOES!

(Romney spots Oprah.)

Romney: (Shouting playfully) AND YOU GET A BLACK PRESIDENT! AND YOU GET A BLACK PRESIDENT! AND YOU AND YOU AND YOU!

(Romney chuckles. Oprah does not.)

Romney: (to O) Save a dance for me at the shindig later! (Mutter to himself) Benita Applebaum, you gotta put me on.

Palin: What?

Romney: I've got a meeting with the Secy. to the HNIC. They might be able to get me on Oprah in a few months on some piece on political families and keeping a marriage together despite the pressures of a campaign and all that jazz. Edwards was supposed to be on it, but ... The O don't like it when you can't keep it in the pants ... This will be one of my many rewards for all that bad advice I gave the old man. (Smiling) "The fundamentals of the economy are strong." GENIUS! Oooo! Crab cakes and little creme breules! They thought of everything! Bread pudding. Banana pudding. Turnip greens. I don't know what those last things are, but I'm having a plateful.

(Todd Palin looks around and spots Suzanne Malveaux puffing a cigarette while chatting with Melissa Harris-Lacewell. Melissa spots him first.)

Melissa: Redneck Eskimo, 10 O'Clock.

(Suzanne rolls her eyes, and turns to face Todd.)

Suzanne: Todd.

Palin: Suzy.

Suzanne: Don't call me that.

Palin: I'm sorry. Can we talk?

Suzanne: Um ... no.

Palin: It would take just a moment.

Suzanne: Get the fuck away from me. I don't need you hanging all over me when Caesar shows up.

Palin: Who?

(Melissa chuckles.)

Suzanne: Todd, this is the section for the people who know shit. Please return to the special corner for the tools of Operation David Palmer.

Palin: Is that what I was to you? A tool?

Melissa: (laughing) Wouldn't a tool have to be useful?

Suzanne: (smirking) You are just mean today!

Melissa: Blame it on the Chiraz.

Suzanne: (to Todd) Go away. I'll check in with you later.

Palin: Will this be a good checking in or a the kind where you sit and talk about Louisiana Creole culture for three hours while smoking cloves?

Suzanne: Go away.

Palin: I'll go. But it's official! The TOOL STORE IS CLOSED, Suze! The store is closed. All of this Robin Thicke like fabulousness is off limits. Show up at my grotto and I'm giving nothing but two hour seminars on how it's a fucking snow machine not a snowmobile. You get me?

Suzanne: Sure. Whatever. Snowmachines.

Palin: Damn straight.

(Todd exits.)

Numerous celebrities, politicians and dignitaries pack the scene as they await the appearance of the HNIC with the Obamas. When the threesome enter the crowd everyone errupts into applause and screams of joy. The three swagger out on the stage as the Obamas are now wearing the official sashes and crests of SCAN. The HNIC takes both their hands and raises them up.

HNIC: Tonight is a night for black peoples everywhere. Operation Revolution is now in effect! It's clobbering time! The Dawn of SCAN is upon us! We won't just overcome, we will over run!

Romney: PREACH, BROTHER! WE WILL OVERRUN ONE DAY!

HNIC: We will overrun. First sports. Then entertainment. Then industry. Now the presidency. We shall overrun someday.

Romney: (under-breath) Unless I get elected in 2012.

Melissa: What did you say?

Romney: All the way to 2012! For Obama, of course. Of course.

Melissa: Can you say that without smiling like a Cheshire cat?

Romney: (smiling while shaking head) No.

(The crowd shouts in delight as the band begins to play. Melissa and Suzanne stare at Mitt in disbelief.)

Romney: UN-GA-WA! BLACK POWER!