The Black Snob Goes Back On The (Meet) Market
Tuesday, June 30, 2009 at 12:00PM 
A few years back I went on dating strike. It wasn't that I was upset with men. (I love you all appropriately.) It was more that I was really angry and in no position to be dating anyone. I'd gotten out of a bad, long-term relationship with the starter husband and was ready to lay waste to anyone who dared to look upon me. But now, after mellowing, learning, loving and some self-discovery I have finally stamped myself with the label "No Longer Too Angry To Date." Meaning ... Lawd, I'm going back out there again.
Out there is out into the big wide world of menfolk in search of someone to spend time with. Out there can be fun (Yay! I love going to the zoo!) or horrifying (Boo! All you want to talk about is your stupid car.) But it's worth it. (I think.) The only frustrating thing about all this is that I have been off-market/on strike for so long (about five years), that I no longer remember how to do things like flirt. It also dawned on me that I'd woefully "let myself go."
After all, me, all Z-Phi n' cowrie shell adorable pre-starter husband glory:
And now, me in a too small jacket post-starter husband, circa 2005:
I'm not even the same person! Who is that chubby woman with the terrible highlights!?
Anyway. I'm slowly rediscovering that I actually don't like looking like crap, have lost 10 more pounds to add to the 40 lbs I lost last year and remembered that I enjoy being pretty. Who knew? I've also learned that giving up is not an option or excuse. Sure. Sweatpants were a great buffer to scare off anyone who dared to flirt with me, but I needed to go back to my closet and get back to dressing like I give two shits.
Now, I did attempt to date last year, but found that I had forgotten how to A) flirt and B) express my interest or disinterest properly. Basically, I'm a rust bucket of emotions. I do a lot of blank stares and "huhs." I plan on going to an event tonight where men may actually be in attendance to do some practice flirting (God, this sounds sad) as well as some networking. So, um, I ask of you ...? Tips? Suggestions? I'm NOT tossing my hair and giggling like a 16-year-old and I refuse to be pushy or blunt. There must be SOME subtle form of cute communication I can use. God, what did I used to do? Touch a guy's arm and say funny things?
Well. At least I have my list of what NOT to do ready:
1. Don't mention awful starter husband.
2. Don't mention not knowing how to flirt.
3. Don't mention not dating for almost five years.
4. Don't be bitter.
5. Don't get drunk.
I think I'm good. And I'll take pictures so I can share this all with you if it goes well. And ... I'll tell you about it anyway even if it doesn't.
Reader Comments (21)
I'm sure that you're going to get more than your share of offers when it comes to dating.