Forever Young
Monday, June 15, 2009 at 1:00PM 
If my generation won't mature and the Boomers won't grow up, who's going to be the adult around here?
I still remember the awkwardness of it, the overall feeling of wanting to take a shower ... or vomit. It wasn't so much from the repulsion, as I was repulsed, but it was the feeling of betrayal and surprise. I was 18 and in college. Adults had always been my mentors and friends, guides and caretakers. I was not prepared for a world where people who looked and were the same age as my parents and grandparents would lustfully leer at me without shame. I definitely wasn't prepared to be seen as a sexual object by someone who I'd admired and saw as a father figure, but somehow I found the strength to politely decline his offer and walk away without throwing up on his shoes.
I realize that old men have pursued young women since there have been young women and old men. This was not new. But was odd was how immature this older gentleman had been. How badly in wanted to be in on the latest trends and slang. How familiar he was with other youths. How he was still chasing youth even though it had long left his wings.
My parents, "boomers" yet technically not "boomers" as they were both born during WWII and not after, had more in common with their Depression Era parents than the 50 somethings behind them who chased Botox and the latest clothes and liposuction and some eternal elixir that would restore them to the vim and vigor of that Age of Aquarius. My parents seemed happy to be older, maybe not happy with the health issues and the slowing down, but happy to not be caught up in the pursuit, of having their worth measured by their exterior and how any toys they had. Even as young people, they simply didn't care about those things that much.
As I often joked, it was like they were both born "old."
But after I left home I noticed a dearth of adults anywhere. I looked for mentors and found competitors. I found people who looked like my parents, but did not trust me, did not want to help me and became my rivals. Visions of Ralph Ellison flashed in my head and all those letters written for Anonymous in "Invisible Man." All those letters that lead to nothing that in so many words said, "Keep that Nigger Boy Running."
So many times I wondered if that's what my "mentors" were doing for me as I rammed my head against the wall over and over in pursuit of my career. Were they just keeping me running in order to keep their places?
But there is another side to this. I've heard many people my age complain that the older generation needs to step aside. That they refused to be moved. That they are more our rivals than mentors. But as my mother has often quipped "step aside and be replaced by whom?"
While my good friends were studious and serious minded, a lot of my peers were just as shallow as their parents. They were consumed by clothes and styles and money and trends and the appropriation of the heirs of adulthood without actually becoming adults. They could drink and curse and screw, but they were incapable of processing the acts as anything more than shallow narcissism.
The notion of some of these individuals in charge of anyone but themselves was/is horrifying. I watched men maintain their boyishness in an arrested state of adolescence where there was scarcely in any furniture in their home but they had the largest TV possible and marriage was something to be put off indefinitely because ... well, goodness that could cut into Xbox time. And I knew women who were basically still girls, acquiring status symbols in the form of superficiality and dreaming of fantasy princes that were never, ever coming. Women whose comprehension of thought was paper thin as the money they wasted on playing dress up.
There is nothing wrong, per se, with video games or spending your entire check on Jimmy Choos, but if that is all you do, if every night for dinner is a plate of Jelly Beans and other confections of a superficial youth, are you really an adult? If you leave your sexual health up to someone else, rather than investing in birth control and condoms, how much sense do you make? Are you really an adult?
So for us, for people like us we are trapped. Trapped between adults who won't grow up and won't share above us, and children who won't grow up and won't learn below. And if everyone is in Peter Pan Neverland, who's in charge? Is our obsession with being forever young ending adulthood? I spent a miserable childhood dreaming of the day when I would grow up and of what peace maturity would bring only to find that high school had followed me into the real world. That high school never ends.
The Snob, boomers, generational issues in The Snob 
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Reader Comments (13)
Wow. This is beautifully written. You are an amazing writer. This is exactly how I felt my freshman year of college. Nothing much has changed since then, and I still find myself being amazed at the level of immaturity in people that should know better.
I couldn't agree with you more. It definitely seems like adulthood has been delayed
Can say that?! Again and again and again please? I really thought I was the only one out here thinking that. Specifically when it came to looking up to older adults. My childhood and teenage years were filled with mentors and responsible adults who I admired and respected. But that all changes when you become of age or grow breasts and hips (whichever comes first). Suddenly you're a conquest to men, and a threat to women... when really, you just want to be a mentee to someone who knows what's what in life.
It's disgusting. It's disheartening. And it's just all around sad.
Well, I see you found your muse again, Danielle. Good job.
I realized sophomore year that you never become an adult, you remain who you are just with more responsibilities. Superficial teens generally make superficial 50 year olds. Nothing changes but the date.
strange, I'm seeing the opposite. I'm seeing people in their late 20s to mid 30s running full steam towards traditional lifestyles like long term relationships, children, home ownership and stable jobs. I'm seeing them have or adopt children and try to be better parents than theirs were. I see them getting marriage counseling and working things out the hard way to try to avoid divorce.
I see them rebelling by being more like their grandparents than their parents.
I know a few people who are forever young like many of our parents, but they've been the exception.
thoughts?
Someone once said, "You don't get wiser as you get older. You just go on living, that's all." I heard that line from the "Twilight Zone." Hee, hee.
@Steph: where do *you* live? I'd like to come visit and see this wondrous place, please...
I understand how you feel. It's why my freshman year of college was so disastrous. I had this fantasy all through high school that if I studied really hard and made the right choices I would end up at an elite college and finally be around my peers. Well I got into the Ivy League and found out that it's basically high school with more consequences, more expensive drugs and other toys, and harsher social politics. High School never ends. It hasn't ended for the past 40 years and it's not about to for a very long time. All we can do is learn to play the game. You can still remain true to yourself while playing the game. One just has to face the harsh realities that there are no mentors. Everyone is your competitor. We live in the "Me First" world now and we have to adapt.
@ Danielle: "And I knew women who were basically still girls, acquiring status symbols in the form of superficiality and dreaming of fantasy princes that were never, ever coming." wow, I need to copy that on my facebook page for some of my prime example friends.
@steph T: Agreed. I've noticed a shift towards traditional ways/values of our grandparents. I've been reading a bunch blogs about gardening, canning, sewing, and life in general that are maintained by our peers who are (happily) married with kids. Don't get me wrong, we still love some of the latest gadgets but I think there is a desire to reconnect to some simpler ways of living.
Our parents grew up in an era of rapidly changing technology and morality which had a major impact on home life. I think they tried their best in the marriage arena but the divorce rate of their generation is a signal that something has to change. As the children of divorced parents, the SO and I are committed to staying out of divorce court. We also know this will be harder for us than our friends who have parents that are still married. One problem I've noticed with our generation is our inability to look beyond the white dress. Sadly, the wedding industry and our families are no help...
I watched men maintain their boyishness in an arrested state of adolescence where there was scarcely in any furniture in their home but they had the largest TV possible and marriage was something to be put off indefinitely because ... well, goodness that could cut into Xbox time.
Oh good goodness.
AMEN!
I REFUSE to date a man who is heavily into video games. I just won't do it.
As someone else pointed out, many people don't "grow up" they just keep on living. It's hard, especially if you're looking to settle down...finding a "real" grown a** men is beyond difficult.
And yes, too many women running around still tinking their 25 when their 40 and looking at me like I'm trying to take "their" man when he isn't proposing to you anytime soon.
*shrugs*
What's a person to do?
Steph T, I'm seeing a lot of the same thing. Everyone around me seems to have a clear 5 year plan and are steadily hitting their milestones. I have several acquaintances who are married home owning professionals at the grand old age of 25. Then again I do live in the status is everything city of London. We all want stability and advancement but I don't think staying young at heart is incompatible with this. I say give the man his XBox if he's got it together everywhere else. I just hope that this wave of focused development and strong values doesn't implode under our self induced pressure.
I remember when I noticed that the hugs from the women in church changed, and the first awkward dinner where a woman who changed my diapers decided that it was time to make her move. She nibbled on my earlobes and gave me a hangup that I have yet to get over. I spent my childhood being coddled by these women. The changes in our relationships after I gained the look of an adult was jarring, but prepared me for what I would see after I got into the "real world".
Anyway let the man have his XBox. It is better to have him deep into Madden, than out in the streets raising Cain.